Christmas

It's interesting how much less thought goes into planning for the holidays especially when one is away from home. Unless invited it's pretty straight forward, you do your own thing, what ever that may be. Travel to another city, do mega shopping and have a feast at home, check in at a hotel or in the case of a student without much color just chill in your apartment and try to keep warm.
The challenge comes when people are getting ready to travel home to be with their families. They are all excited, you can see the sparkle in their eyes, they are cracking their heads for what presents to buy for family members and then they ask, " so what plans do you have for Christmas?", you smile and say " uh well, we haven't thought about that yet" in other words, we don't have any plans. This is a week before Christmas. All over sudden they wish they hadn't asked the question because they can't exactly say, come on over to my parents house.

When Uncle Enoka was here, he made contact with a distant relative who lives in Hershey Pennsylvania. They didn't know each other but Chris invited him to his house for a few days. I admire Uncle Enock for his courage, he just has a way of making things work and he is very friendly.
When he came back from that visit, he encouraged Sam and I to keep in touch with Chris, he said he was a nice guy, they had established the relationship and he had a nice family.

So Sam sent him an email and Chris invited us over for Christmas. We had originally planned to rent a car for the journey so that we could leave at our convenience but Chris offered to pay for our ride. We got a reply from Chris the night of the 23rd saying he had booked the tickets and made all the arrangements.

On the train ride I wondered how we would know who Chris was when we finally got to the station. We walked out and then I saw a man holding up a piece of paper with the name Ongwen boldly printed. I almost bust out laughing because it was really a strange situation. This guy doesn't know us from Adam but he has paid for our train ride to his home. By the way I didn't tell you how he mentioned in his email that after we got there we could decide when we want to come back. What??! this is such an open invitation, it was too good to be true. I thought tell him we will be there for a week, you know Christmas into the new year (obviously I'm kidding about that). We said we would stay two nights.

The time at Chris place was fantastic, his wife Sandra is Jamaican and they have two girls Mugisha and Mutoya who are 17 and 13 respectively.



Plenty of love to go around, as usual Mich got a triple portion. Food was exquisite and all home made (by the way that is a big blessing in this place where people want already made meals).
We had oxtail, goat, salmon, mac & cheese, rice & beans, lots of veggies, it was food heaven and that is not mentioning the desert Jamaican Ram cake, easy orange-cranberry trifle, cookies and many other snacks you wouldn't click from me just explaining. You needed to be there and we had all this yummy food for two days running man!!!


Sandra had invited two other families, a Chinese couple and their 5 year old daughter and a black American couple with their 13 year old daughter, as you can see Mich was in business. We had a wonderful time.

On the 26th we took a trip to Hershey town, we visited the Hershey Chocolate World http://www.hersheys.com/chocolateworld/, Mich nearly got a darker skin tan from all the chocolate that he ate. We visited the Hershey Hotel, saw the Hershey schools and ended the day by visiting Penn State hospital where Chris is a researcher and Sandra is a nurse.

On 27th we said our good byes and Chris gave us a ride home.
About an hour after we arrived home and were settling in I got a call, some one called Chrispen was at the door to see us. He said he was Sam's cousin, we couldn't believe it, we knew that he was in the Philly area but since we never got responses to our emails we forgot all about him. Now he was at the door without any prior notice, what a pleasant surprise. He came with his two children, one just finished college and the other is just starting.
He has invited us over for New years day, how nice, one less occasion to worry about. God is just the bomb!!!!

Lets see how this one goes.

Only in America

I never felt so important like I did about a month ago.

This is how it all begun, I walked into the big supermarket four blocks away from home and guess what I saw??. Hawaii Maya plantains, for those of you who don't know what I'm talking about, that is just another name for 'matooke'. I couldn't believe it!
I was so excited I bought as much as I could, and we enjoyed some nice home cooked meals of matooke and binyebwa, mm mm mm.
I run out of stock and unfortunately so did the store, I'm assuming that I was the only one who was buying it anyway.
I kept checking from time to time and there was no sign that they would restock it in the near future.

I decided to ask, I walked in and approached a guy who looked like he would certainly be of help. I tried to explain to him what I was looking for and for a while he wasn't getting it. Then I remembered the name 'Hawaii Maya plantain" and immediately he knew what I was talking about. He asked me to hold on while he went to check in the store, came back and told me that unfortunately there was nothing. Then he asked me to hold on while he made a call to the dispatchers, unfortunately they were out of stock too. He then told me, it would probably take one or two weeks before they got a new batch. He advised me to keep checking.

Talk about good customer service, I was impressed that he stopped what he was doing to attend to me. Now even though I didn't get the food immediately I walked out really happy that he had taken the extra effort.

Two weeks later I walk back into the store and there it is, my matooke, specifically ordered for me.

On this good day

On this good day, some hours ago, my brother Peter took a bride.
I wish I could have been there, but that was not for me to decide.
I can't wait to hear all the stories about how the day went
But one thing I know is it didn't rain and so the reception venue wasn't wet.

It's funny, when I was much younger I thought people married their siblings and Peter had been my choice. I realised later that the whole sibling thing was not a good idea.
We have always been good friends growing up, I looked up to him for guidance and approval for decisions I made.
I kind of feel cheated not being their to see him take his bride but I know all is well.

Congrats to you Peter, on this your special day.

It's not safe anymore

So what have I been up to lately?
Playing scrabble on the Internet, and uhh, playing more scrabble. It's so much fun and very addictive too, before I know it, an hour is gone. Then I have to clean the house, shower, read the news, check mail and it's time to pick Mich up from school.

Mich is a whole story on his own, he has been up to lots of mischief lately, at some points I'm tempted to ask him "do I know you?".
We have had a wonderful time hosting uncle Enoch, Mich loved playing with him and there was lots of laughter and tears ofcourse. It was sad to see him go but he has a family of his own and work and a life... but that will be for another post, for now I want to focus on Mich.

He wakes up the night after uncle Enoch left at around 2am, (maybe two days ago). Knocks on our door saying he couldn't get to sleep and that he was hungry, he wanted to eat bread. Sam told him to pick a slice from the fridge and then go back to bed, he quickly agreed. Then for the next 5 or so minutes I heard drawers opening and closing, loud bangs, anyway lots of nagging noise. I knew at this point it wasn't just about getting a slice of bread. It would subside and start all over again, I decided to check out what was going on.
I found Mich in the kitchen, all the lights in the house were on, he had turned on the microwave fan and the microwave was giving a beeping sound like something was being warmed and had timed out. Turns out the young man was not ready to have just a slice of bread, he had gotten a bowl, poured in some milk and weetabix and was ready to have something substantial. I was speechless, the weetabix is way up in one of the cupboards out of reach, he had to have climbed on the counter to get it (that explains all the loud banging). That he was able to put the stuff in the microwave was one thing, it's out of reach too, the kind that are built above the cooker. He had to have climbed to do that as well, how he managed to press the timer and know which buttons to press, beat me, no wonder lots of other functions were running at the same time.
But I have to give it to him because he didn't spill anything, he got adequate potions of what he needed and warmed it to just the right temperature.
I just thought, after this nothing is safe anymore. I need to be extremely careful what I put where because he can get to it and that is scary. I know he is growing to be independent but with all the ideas in that little head there is no limit to what he will do.
I need to find a balance between giving the freedom to do certain things but keeping him dependent as well. These days if you insist that he doesn't have something, he will go get it himself. I miss the days when I was totally in control, no cookie until I get it for you, kind of thing.
It's not safe.

Birthday Parties

October had lots of birthday parties for Mich to attend, looks like many kids we know were born in this month.


One thing that amazed me about these birthdays is that Mich always came home with presents. Wait a minute, isn't it supposed to be the other way round, it's some one's birthday, so you take them a present?. My friend Andrew used to say, your birthday should be the day you buy all your friends presents, and when I asked him why he said, because we have put up with you for so long, I found that funny.

Back home, birthday time?!, we get ready to busk in endless numbers of gifts and hope that many people come because that means more presents. I'm talking about the kids here, but then again half the time all the kids are thinking about is playing and eating cake and sweets.

I don't think this whole giving presents thing would work for adults because, eh! it can be very tricky.


Anyway, I'm thinking this is an American thing (for kids) where the celebrant's parents buy little presents for all the kids that have been invited, so that every one goes home happy. It certainly works otherwise we would have Mich and Co. fighting for peoples presents. It has been a pleasant experience seeing him light up when he is handed his own little gift, that is apart from the times when his face is literally in the cake trying to blow out someone elses' candles.

I'm certainly looking forward to more invitations, that way he is able to get some of the presents he has been dreaming about.



But ... what happens when it's his birthday?? should we celebrate it in a quiet way or what? quite honestly this business of buying your guests presents is a high calling on my pocket but I certainly like the idea.

Madea

So, after all that crazy stuff, I'm moving around with sullen eyes, pouted mouth and all, feeling sorry for myself. I go to the library and I find just the book I needed to cheer me up, this must have been a divine appointment. "Don't make a black woman take off her earrings" by tylerperry, my my! I had some good belly laughs.

Madea is something else I tell you. She is one of the main characters in many of Perry's works. She is an elderly lady, in simple terms a granny who speaks her mind and is often full of drama. I just found out that Madea is short for 'Mother dear'. She had some really good advice.
She said, it's not good to be stressed out, there is always something to laugh about, for example when you turn on the TV and you see the President of US of A, that in itself is funny.

Here are some excerpts from the book and advice from Madea herself.

MADEA on being natural.
"Have you been to a pool party where a whole bunch of black women are standing around looking cute? At the pool they put their fit in and their legs in, but not their heads. Then, if they get into to water, their hair will never get wet. Now, I understand that. Of course you want to look your best. Black women ain't going to get their hair done, and then have to go right back to the hair dresser. It ain't like a white woman, who can just wash it and get up and shake it and go out the door. No, it takes preparation and chemicals and glue and saturation and hours and hours to get that hair lay down and look like it does. There ain't nothing wrong with it. I’m proud of it if that is what you want to do.

But what I don’t understand is this hair-weave thing. They take this strip of hair from a horse or something and put it in the head. They glue it and they try to blend in their hair with the horse hair. Nine times out of ten, their hair is rougher and more coarse than the horse hair they done put in. So what you get is a really rough spot at the top, and the further down it goes, the longer and the smoother it gets. Now that’s crazy as hell.
My thing is “be natural”. If you want to get it permed, go get it permed. If it’s hair that’s an inch off your head and you want to perm it, perm it. But it’s something else when you go and put all that other stuff on".



MADEA on Jheri Curl
"When a white man begins to go bald, they freak out. They call the Hair Club for men. I understand that but let nature take it’s course, because those comb overs look like hell. But don’t blame them for trying, because they don’t necessarily look right without their hair.
But black men in the same situation, they just say, “oh well”, and they cut it all off. When the hair line starts to go back and it’s looking funny, they just shave it all off and they walk around bald. I like that. ….

Some men ain’t going bald but they have what we call ‘waves’. They wear these do-rags. The problem I have with do-rags is that they have the audacity to wear them out in public. I’m so sick of seeing these do-rags. It’s today's version of that plastic bag that men and women had with the jheri curls. You know that plastic bag? There would be steam coming off the top of their heads when they’d take it off. They’d be walking around in public with that thing on. Take that off your damned head!
Speaking of plastic bags, lets talk about the Jheri curl for a minute. I have lived with all kinds of devastation in my life. I’ve lived through a man who had a perm in the ‘50s, Afro in the ‘70s, and Jheri curls in the ‘80s. Hazardous! Just like asbestos is killing a whole bunch of people- and they just found out-you just wait until they find out the effects of Jheri curl".



The miracle of Vaseline
"Vaseline. I could write a book about Vaseline alone….
Vaseline is a miracle. Vaseline petroleum Jelly was created by God for black people. People waste all that money on all that stuff to tighten their skin and firm it, lift it and separate it. All you need is some Vaseline…"

I can only relay so much, other wise I would have to just copy the whole book, it's really funny stuff. It would be nice if you got to read the book or watch Tyler Perry's shows and movies. There is a lot to laugh about and a lot to learn.

Encounter with the law

The lowest point in my stay here, happened a few weeks back. Now for this one you need to sit back and relax, I hope you do relax because I'm really going to vent my frustrations and everything just to get it out of the way. I hope you understand that I need to do this because I'm not in a hurry to get cancer from having bad toxins build up in my body, I need to let it go.

Anyway so it's been about two months since we moved into our apartment and in the first few weeks everyone was trying to get used to the new environment and all. Mich in particular was excited about more space in the house and in the hall way. Once or twice he run out the door and got stuck between the two doors that lead out of the building. The good or bad thing about these doors is that once you get passed the first door going out, you can't make it back in the same direction without using the key. On these occasions we found him with someone in the apartment trying to explain where he was coming from.
On one of these occasions Sam found a lady trying to help him, a few days later he was confronted by some dude who accused him of having attitude towards his wife while she was trying to help Mich. Sam told him there was certainly some kind of misunderstanding because there is no way he would have attitude when some one was helping his son. The guy calls his wife and asks her if indeed Sam was the guy, she was a little embarrassed that her man had taken things that far.
When Sam told me I was really baffled because "Sam" and "attitude" can not be used in the same sentence. That was the end of that.

About two weeks after that I receive a call from a lady who says she is from DHS and that she was at my door to see me. I thought, DHS? what's that?, at my door? okay ... in my mind I'm thinking this lady is lost, is looking for someone, let me go and see if I can help her find her way or just tell her she got the wrong number.
I get to the front door and let this lady in, she is holding some files and then she states again that she is from DHS, still doesn't ring a bell. She asks me if I have a four year old son, I'm like well not exactly, he is three and a half. So she tells me how some anonymous person put in a complaint about a little boy who is left running in the hall way and gets trapped in between the doors while trying to make his way out, he is not attended and usually is left crying for over 45 minutes until someone passing by comes to his aid. The whole time I'm looking at this lady speechless, still trying to figure out what is going on. She asks me how old I am, tells me from just looking at me and our conversation I seem very intelligent ... aha??! (what is that supposed to mean?).
She then tells me she would like to see the little boy, at this point I thinking, oh oh! I'm in big trouble, I still can't get my words together to tell her it's crazy this whole thing. He is a little boy, he bound to get into stuff, Sam and I look after him the best we can, it's not like this happens everyday, we have hardly been in the apartment a month. I didn't say any of that, I was still taking the whole thing in and also trying to keep my cool and be polite, you know?! ... you don't? oh well that's life.
I'm hoping that this lady will figure out that Mich isn't in any kind of danger and that all is well.
She meets Mich who doesn't seem to mind the lady, she asks him questions and he answers them, and goes on with what he was doing.
So we sit down and the lady tells me like 5 horror stories of things that have happened to kids in Philly, yeah! like I needed to hear that.
I'm already feeling horrible that she had invaded my privacy and that some crazy person in the apartment had reported to DHS, which by the way stands for Department of Human Services.
She then writes some things on her papers and asks me to sign, to show she came to the premises and advised me. Honestly I don't remember when I last used the signature that I put on those papers but it certainly wasn't eligible by any standards.
But that is not the end, she had to make sure that there was enough food in the fridge, that there was running water in the toilet and that Mich had a room and bed to sleep on, talk about crazy stuff. By the way I'm not making this up, it actually happened, sad isn't it?!
Still, that was not the end of it, she said she couldn't make a decision, her supervisor was going to come by too, to assess the situation and make a verdict, but she thought the case would be closed.
I miss home, what ever happened to children running in the compound (safe area) and knowing that all is well and incase you miss something, the neighbour is sure to notice and help out or advise you if something is wrong?.

These people don't waste time, a week later I received a phone call from the "supervisor". I thought shoot!!! these guys just won't let this small incident go. The guy was nice on the phone, explained why he needed to come over, asked what time would be most convenient and said it would be nice if we were all at home. Before he hang up he asked me if I thought I needed parenting skills, I almost said WHAT??!!, but thought it wise to be a little polite, so I said no thank you. We made a date for that very evening, he later called to say that he didn't have a phone but that he would be at the door at 6:30pm.
At 6:30 I went to the door and he seemed to have been waiting a few minutes, that wasn't the worst of it. The guy was heavily built (not exactly short), marine crew hair cut and to crown it all he was in an army trouser with the boots too. I was humbled if you know what I mean.
Of course I fained a smile, meanwhile I'm trying to catch my breath, this was not what I expected to see. We get into the house and Mich was acting like he was on a sugar high, he couldn't sit still, he was really excited about having the guy in the house.
He was indeed a nice guy, he started by telling us how from the conversation we had on the phone and just walking into our home he didn't think it was necessary to waste his time and ours over this. (I'm beginning to think that they expected to find a woman high on something and whose speech isn't coherent). He acknowledged that kids have energy that they need to burn and that they do get into stuff. His conclusion was that, someone was just not amused about the little boy running around and put in his complaint.
He also had to write stuff down and said, well I'm closing this case and really don't see why the person who came here before me, didn't do just that, I almost said tell me about it.
Aaaah!!! the taste of raising a child in this individualistic environment. It's already hard as it is, I didn't need this because I honestly feel Sam and I are doing our best.

That was a really lousy experience, I have certainly learned my lesson to be more careful with Mich and extremely careful about the people around me. People have issues and you don't want to get in their way, but alas you will sometimes and you can get burned in the process. That is keeping me in check, I also know that God takes us through some of this rough patches for our own good, there is something to learn.

But you know?! even Joseph and Mary also had issues when Jesus went MIA on their journey back home from Jerusalem. They found him days later in the temple jazzing with the high priests. He is lucky it was then otherwise he would have been put in foster care or something, and Jo and Mary would have been labelled careless parents.