A letter to Father

This night I can barely sleep, got heavy thoughts weighing on my mind.
I lost a friend, a brother.
Even though I seldom saw him, his demise leaves me wrecked.

Your ways are not our ways; your thoughts are not our thoughts. You know the end from the beginning and nothing takes you by surprise. You watched it unfold, every second, every minute, every … Tick-Tock!
So what can I say? What can I do? But offer this heart oh God completely to you. I bow in humble reverence, prostrate in awe, and thank you for the life Paul Kim lived and the fresh budding life you replace his with in little Kisha.

You are an amazing God completely; I know you are watching over Olivia.

Thanks for the reminder that my life is not my own.

Love you Jesus

Teary eyed and fearfully yours,

Mary

HAPPY EASTER

Til on that cross as Jesus died
The wrath of God was satisfied
For every sin on Him was laid
Here in the death of Christ I live


There in the ground His body lay
Light of the world by darkness slain
Then bursting forth in glorious Day
Up from the grave He rose again
Easter is my favorite Christian festival. It is the reason I live today. Christ’s mind boggling love and obedience to His father brings me to my knees in awe and adoration. The cross is explosive, it’s potent, it’s life changing. The blood that Jesus shed changed the course of history and changes our lives to date. It hasn’t caked, it hasn’t ebbed, it is fresh, warm and throbbing with love.

When I think about the cross and its power, my insides tremble and I cry in reverence, not so much because Jesus felt pain but because of what His death means; The power of life that emerged from His death, The Life that we live because He died.

In Christ alone my hope is found
He is my light, my strength, my song
This Cornerstone, this solid ground
Firm through the fiercest drought and storm

What heights of love, what depths of peace
When fears are stilled, when strivings cease
My Comforter, my All in All
Here in the love of Christ I stand
There is joy, an incomprehensible peace, a wonderful confidence that I live in. It is not tied to circumstances around me - whether in pain and sorrow, or happiness, there is that deeply seated peace in my gut. That even on the road marked with suffering, even when there is pain in the offering, I can still whisper “Blessed Be Your Name”.

“Friends” deserted me, I have been insincere, the church has failed me (I can’t depend on an institution), I have been disappointed to know Christians have taken bribes. I have seen marriages fall apart and I hurt, I hurt so bad, but for some reason beyond me, I’m not shaken, I know everything in the world is fleeting BUT GOD! He is my fallback position no matter what.

On Christ the Solid rock I stand
All other ground is sinking sand
All other ground is sinking sand


No guilt in life, no fear in death
This is the power of Christ in me
From a life’s first cry to final breath
Jesus commands my destiny
No power of hell, no scheme of man
Could ever pluck me from His hand
Til He returns or calls me home
Here in the power of Christ I stand
And as He stands in victory
Sins curse has lost its grip on me
For I am His and He is mine
Bought with the precious blood of Christ

Whatever burden you carry
Whatever dream is in your heart, whatever vision is in your mind
Bring it to the cross, LAY IT DOWN
Rest a while.

Look around and pick up the parcel inscribed with your name. There is a parcel with your name, you might need to stay longer, look a little harder but don’t be frantic. Take your time, sometimes is not about picking your parcel but about the time you spend there. God wants to love on you, run His fingers through your hair, give you a bear hug, caress you under the chin, and raise your chin up so He can look into your eyes.

Even if there is no parcel, He wants you to be okay with it. To be confident in His love, that you know Him enough to believe He has a good reason, He is working it out, He didn’t forget.

Dream without Restraint

Pray without Restraint

Love without Restraint

Ask without Restraint

If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? Romans 8:31

No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. Romans 8:37- 38

Happy Easter!!!

Arrested

I just figured out how people get caught by fashion police. I can’t vouch for every single one because some people just have bad fashion sense, they can’t help it. But some others, some others get caught on the wrong footing and others like me have just lost their oomph. I have overly rubbed marriage and babies in the dirt but please allow me to do it one more time. I see red flags going off. No! Am not bad mouthing marriage, it’s the awesomesstest institution ever but then I’m not writing to convince you either way. I’m just saying that things change, you’ve got to put in an extra effort to keep yourself priority otherwise things slip away, slip down, slip around – the works. Ask Paul.
In 1 Corinthians 7: 28 he says “All I am saying is that when you marry, you take on additional stress in an already stressful time, and I want to spare you if possible”.


In verse 32 he says "I want you to live as free of complications as possible. When you're unmarried, you're free to concentrate on simply pleasing the Master. Marriage involves you in all the nuts and bolts of domestic life and in wanting to please your spouse, leading to so many more demands on your attention. The time and energy that married people spend on caring for and nurturing each other, the unmarried can spend in becoming whole and holy instruments of God. I'm trying to be helpful and make it as easy as possible for you, not make things harder. All I want is for you to be able to develop a way of life in which you can spend plenty of time together with the Master without a lot of distractions".

Now that I have laid a good foundation for my case, I can tell you what happened. Sam was involved in organizing an important office function – stress is an understatement but he pulled it off praise God! Kati as his mukyala I attended to morale boost, support, you get the gist. But this mama forgot that for such events you’ve got to look spiffy. Back in the day it was second nature – lip gloss, powder, mascara extra extra, now, I was just thinking of being there and not so much to look like a million bucks. I forgot that these functions are infested with paparazzi. I stepped in the room and I was immediately blinded by the flashes. Oh my! What are they going to do with those pictures? I hope I don’t end up on that fashion police page, how shall I explain the circumstances?

If they put my unpowdered face or my jeans and jacket frame in any public journal, I will have to follow it up with a disclaimer or just remain in my cocoon aka my house.

Have a lovely weekend

PS: Ladies this is no excuse to let yourself go, I am just saying.

Traumatized!!

I have been in the house too long. This parenting/marriage thing has left me socially kwashiorkored. Seriously!
So, the other day I had a date with a girlfriend at Javas - Nakumatt. I planned to spend at least an hour with her before heading home. I got there early so we could maximize the moments.

I walked into the coffee shop and all eyes turned to look at me. I swear it was not in my head, it happened for real. “Mommy!” I nearly bit my fingers. I quickly found an empty table and sat down to save my legs from giving way. Eish!!

After catching my breath I scanned the room, my friend was not there yet but wow! There were loads of pretty ladies, dressed in every manner of fashion - as though they were all there to make a statement. There was a sense of pride in the air, don’t ask me how I perceived it. With their eyes and gestures they asked, “And who might you be?” No, I’m not paranoid.

I struggled to make an order because the Customer relations lady or whatever special name they give themselves didn’t mind me but I insisted.

As I munched on my tasty Chicken salad, I occasionally glanced up, just in case I spotted my friend coming in. I felt a laser sharp stare from the corner of the patio; an Arabic man was staring at me. For a moment I thought I just happened to be in the way of his thoughts. I glanced up again and he was still looking at me, swallowing was becoming difficult but I tried to concentrate. I raised my head, now looking at the entrance and an Ethiopian looking guy gave me a silly smile, I pretended not to notice, but he kept looking in my direction, I hoped my friend would walk in, but there was no sign of her. I never felt so vulnerable.

I quickly finished my meal, paid the waiter and sprung out. I breathed a sigh of relief when I got home to the more familiar people in my life. Phewx!

Missing you

My dear blog,

I miss you so. . .
Do you miss me too? Because you see, I miss you
Life’s been crazy lately -  juggling 6 balls is not a joke.

Please don’t frown, don’t misunderstand me
It doesn’t mean I like you any less, it’s just that right now, well right now, I have a lot on my plate.

Whhooooo! I blow the dust off and it runs right back to me
Falling on my face as if to blame me for the mess
Aa aa chooooo! Excuse me!

I've got a lot to say and you do too
I hope

Let’s make a date Just you and me
We'll shut the world outside
Shhh!

Parenting woes

Dear blog/diary

My parenting woes continue.

My little hero just don’t like school . He loves to play, watch cartoons and scare his little sister but the will to write (put pencil to paper to make legible symbols) is like “bad” blood given to an anaemic patient.

What happened to my truthful little pumpkin? Lies fill his mouth like a hungry man attacking his first meal in days. The bible teachings seem to have flown out the window together with all the nice toys - now broken that were bought over the holiday season.
His cutting remarks slice me right down my middle like the sword that led King Caesar into eternal sleep.
His disobedience is so out right almost engraved (I shudder), like a rock. But I must chip at it, one little piece by one little piece.

It’s frustrating.

How do parents love a child into obedience without considering lunatic asylum?
I’m speechless, I need the Holy Spirits intervention to articulate these matters before father God, Romans 8: 26 So too the [Holy] Spirit comes to our aid and bears us up in our weakness; for we do not know what prayer to offer nor how to offer it worthily as we ought, but the Spirit Himself goes to meet our supplication and pleads in our behalf with unspeakable yearnings and groanings too deep for utterance.

Too deep for utterance!!

I live at the alter for I know not of any other way to raise a human being more so in the ways of the Lord. I try, I slip, I falter and fail. Sometimes I want to bury my head under my pillow and hope that somehow a gentle, God fearing, obedient, loving man will emerge .

Many have written instruction books on how to raise a child and I have read a few. The ideas are brilliant, just when I’m about to scream eureka and run out on Semawatta road in glee, I hit a snug. I’m reminded that I’m dealing with a unique creation, never seen before this; The magic words don’t work, the formula fails, more volcanoes erupt, we get burned, the smell of the ash remains on our frames everywhere we go.
Does God feel this way about me? Do I evoke dirty emotions in Him too?

A visit with the Amish

Last Friday, Brent and Diane, Mich, Sam and I took a trip to Lancaster county to visit with the Amish.
I find their lifestyle quite fascinating, so when Diane brought up the idea I was more than thrilled to check them out. The Amish are a religious sect originating from the Mennonites, who arose directly out of the reformation struggles of the sixteenth century.

The first thing that I saw that set them apart is their transport -  the buggy. Its a horse drawn carriage. They don't use cars.
"Englisher", "Yankee" or "High People" are the names given by the Amish for anyone who is not Amish.

They are known as the plain people because they wear plain colored clothing, they live in scattered farmland locations across America. They live within highly personalized relationships, avoiding more than casual contact with strangers who might attempt to educate them to the ways of the outside world. While the Amish avoid most of the conveniences of the 21st Century, something that most outsiders have difficulty understanding, they are happy in their way of life.

I first  heard about them  when there was a shooting at one of their schools and it was all over the news. Oprah on one of her cross country tours stopped by one of the Amish homes. They don't use electricity or telephones.
They are not too thrilled with people visiting their quiet countryside farms. In fact, they avoid anything more than casual contact with strangers and any possible influence from the outside world of the "Englisher" just as they have for more than three hundred years.

They mind their own business, that made me cautious not to ask questions or stare at them. For religious reasons, most Amish avoid having their picture taken. They will cover their face or turn away from a camera just as you would if a stranger suddenly tried to take your picture. Keep in mind, too, that flash cameras snapped in front of a passing Amish buggy may frighten the horse and endanger the buggy’s passengers.

We stopped over for lunch at one of their well known restaurants and the food was mm mm good!
They kept bringing dishes until we said stop. The order of service in the restaurant was that every one ate together at one long table. If you came in and found some people already seated you would join them and eat like one big family, nice!