Between A Rock and A Very Hard Place

Ah! Life can be complicated and other times it can be knotty. Last week life was knotty and complicated. Conversations were minefields, I had to put up my sensors to navigate away from explosions.

So, President Museveni signed the anti-gay bill criminalizing homosexuality in Uganda.Then President Obama wrote him a letter saying the legislation complicates a valued relationship. The statement went on to say, "Now that this law has been enacted, we are beginning an internal review of our relationship with the government of Uganda to ensure that all dimensions of our engagement, including assistance programmes, uphold our anti-discrimination policies and principles, and reflect our values".
A day later, Jim Kim, the President of the organisation I work for wrote a statement addressed to all staff condemning countries and people who discriminate against homosexuals.The barrel of the gun was pointed straight at me; my country of birth had taken a stand, my country of residence had taken the opposite stand, my boss has taken the same stand.

I thought I would muse quietly, cheer for my kin but keep a straight face when suddenly in the team meeting all the eyes turned in my direction "Mary, what do you think?" The only black girl on the team, the only African on the team, the only Christian on the team - the Ugandan. I held my breath. I wanted to hide. I wanted to wish the situation away but no, all 6 eyes were channeled in my direction. I was tempted to use my faith microphone but it is not encouraged in this organization. People come from all cultures of the world and passion about "your thing" can be construed as damning to others, so don't play the faith card. The struggle begun, how do I keep my cool, shut up about my faith and ride the "culture and this-is-an-absolutely-abominable-act-among-my-people" card. So I played the kisanja card and they quickly nod. A big sigh on my part.
But there is that one person who seeks you out, who will not stop at anything to know your thoughts. The one with whom you tell it like it is and that is the guy who sits across from me.He is so passionate about this topic. He gets all animated you would think he was defending his thesis. His current project is to make me a convert.

So here I am in a foreign country, caught between being graceful to my host and declaring support for my people. I don't doubt my stand on the issue but sometimes the big words about discrimination and human rights cause me to leave the crowd. I look into the mirror and ask myself; Where do you stand? What do you believe? I come out of seclusion with one conclusion;- I live by a different set of rules, a different moral compass and it is found in the Living Word of God.
God loves me, warts and all but He will not leave me that way. He doesn't condemn me but tells me to go and sin no more and as far as I know it's a daily process, a process of daily surrender. Perhaps with that view in mind we would all regard ourselves as sinners in need of a Savior.

Now let me go and celebrate "12 Years a Slave" the most heart wrenching Slave account I have ever read. If only Solomon Northup knew how big his story would get. I'm sure glad he told it.

Brush Strokes of The Master Painter

Spring is near... I think

Saw some buds this afternoon

Raindrops on my window

Mary's little lamb turns 10

I'd been pregnant for a year or at least it felt that way.
Tired and puffed up like a porcupine fish, I longed for the day I would deliver.
My nose extended so far I would have given Pinocchio a run for his money.

When I first felt the flatters in my tummy, my heart skipped. I looked fixedly as a fully formed figure with arms and legs moved and stretched during the ultra sound scan. My life changed forever. I smiled, oohed and aahed in absolute excitement. The feeling that an alien had assumed control of my body was justified. My mood swings and weird cravings were justified too. I could even make a point for hiding Sam's deodorant.

Sleeping was a project, I sat up to turn over in bed, I contemplated each move as though I was navigating a forest. I was torn between shutting the windows to sweat like a trapped thief or being harassed by mosquitoes as they expressed undying love for my blood.
With a ravenous appetite I diced whole Pineapples and slurped up every last drop of juice all by myself, in one sitting and without apology. Each day I wobbled off the taxi, bought fresh sticks of warm, salted, fried cassava and headed home to attend to the first order of business - the cassava lady had found a loyal customer.
I freaked out when my stomach distended in an odd shape - I'm used to it now.
In office, colleagues were eager to see my ever extending tummy and oh how I shuffled through clothes until I resorted to tents. I received tips to curb or indulge cravings. As I contemplated this uncharted journey a friend shared a list for the hospital bag; cotton wool, gauze... receiving blanket. Just what was a receiving blanket?.

What is labor like? I wondered. The answer was imprinted on my mind like a deep tattoo. He arrived loud and proud, testing the pitch and range of his vocals without restraint.

Even with all the preparation, I was clueless after the fact; "How do I get him to sleep through the night?" "I'm going to die from lack of sleep". "Why is he crying?" "Should he lie on his back, his side or his belly?" As he grew older I wondered, "Do his actions define his Character or his personality and what is the difference anyway?

I lost my name, no longer Mary but Mama Mich (thanks to my MTN buddies).

The nursery rhyme "Mary had a little lamb" was written for me. A prophesy albeit and a true one for sure. Every where I went this child was sure to go. To the bathroom and the kitchen, to the bedroom, on the airplane. To MTN and WB. To Serere and Kabale, to Philly, Dallas and DC.
It's been a decade since this book was started and now we are on chapter 10. Awesome!!!

His questions and statements bring laughter and deep contemplation about the philosophies of life. The slipper is never too far away though. I have experienced grades of anger that I never knew existed, moments I could swear I could hear my pulse ticking like a bomb. I have been introduced to and sat in a police car -  an experience I'd left for the movies. I have made new friends and met wonderful parents. I have met teachers who marveled at me, at least they got to wave as they sent him home but I was in this for life. I have had proud moments, lots and lots of proud moments and I look forward to many more.

Children are a gift from God, they come to teach us and shape us into better human beings (hopefully). My job is to "be in class" to be present and learn the lesson otherwise it will remain on repeat or there will be permanent damage on both sides.
Listen, there is a lot being said through those actions. Understand the personality, shape the character. Your reactions and words will be mirrored back to you and others, so give what you would like to receive. Play together. Pray together, pray over, pray for, pray some more. Lies and tricks will not be far but don't condemn, talk it over in a calm manner (scream into your pillow if that helps).
We are in the tween years now but it feels like we've been fourteen for a while. Questions of territory, personal space, authority are always rising at different levels. The future is uncertain, the influences many but as long as I stay hidden with Christ in God I'm sure we will make it through just fine.

The difference a few years can make.

Philly '06

Philly '13 :-)

Moment's with Benjamin '06

Benjamin '13

Beautiful Scenes in Cold Temperatures

It was a deathly cold day but the scenes were just as breath taking.

Happy Valentines Day!

 He appointed the moon for seasons; the sun knoweth his time to go down. Psalm 104:19