Mysteries

Children are mysteries, ok, let me rephrase that – Mich is a mystery, he is truly fearfully and wonderfully made.
From the time we were getting set to travel back to the states, he begun telling people how he is not going any where, that he is just escorting mummy, when daddy is through with work he will come home. In the mean time we were supposed to send him his bicycle – This from the boy who was always reminding his teachers and friends how he is going back to Dallas where he won’t be harassed to read and write – mbu.
Anyway to the last minutes at the airport, he was preaching the same gospel but when push came to shove he thought he would hold on to Nkosi and drag him along since his plan of staying wasn’t exactly working. It was an emotional time for me just watching him, crying and tagging his cousin along saying they had to go together. Nkosi had the look of – dude, I don’t know what you are about but I have nothing to do with this, you made your bed so you sleep in it.
After a while Mich let go and the most interesting thing happened, as soon as we crossed the customs line, he was all excited and bubbling about how he is going to see daddy and how it must be snowing in Dallas. People?! Just what are kids made of? I wish I had such buttons that can be switched at the snap of a finger. He totally forgot he was having issues.
The flight to Amsterdam was ok; he slept right through the 8 hour journey. Our only trouble was the landing bit when ear pressure set in and he wailed like a baby. He was quite happy that it was over only to realize we had another flight (my bad, I should have prepared him). Our flight from Amsterdam to Dallas Fort worth was 10 long hours, it felt like forever – we ate, slept, ate again, watched TV, slept, ate e.t.c
Finally landed at Dallas Fort worth airport at 2:10pm. I had to fill out a declaration form. If you carried billions of dollars, some animal in your luggage, had some food, vegetables, roots, meats, or such kinds of weird stuffs, then you indicated that yes I brought in some voodoo and so on. Now all I had was banana chips, curry powder, peanut butter – you know nothing major, so I didn’t think that was worth declaring. When asked by the officer if I had any food, I said well not really just some snacks. He asked me where I was coming from – Uganda, and how long have you been away? – five months. He smiled at me and asked me to follow line one. I should have known, the line comprised of mostly Asians and Africans. I guess its hard to believe that people can go to their native countries and not come back with food stuffs or something. An Asian was at the front of the cue being asked whether he had food, he quickly said no, then the lady checked his bags and pulled out all sorts of things – “sir, when I asked if you had any food you denied – this is food, this is food, this here is food”. When it was my turn, I said very quickly that I had food and that made my life easier.
Before long we were out and found Sam waiting, it was a good reunion. Mich was really happy to see his dad, gave him a big hug and was quiet the rest of the journey. I had to keep checking that he wasn’t a sleep, he seemed so content seeing mummy and daddy together again. I guess for him it’s the security, life is all good now. He is a different person now, listening to me, obeying immediately and just being a whole lot calmer, wow it’s unbelievable.

I'm ba ack

Testing, testing, one two three.
Oooh its been ages but looks like every thing is working as it should. There is a lot to tell, dont know where to start from.
For now I will say it's good to be back on line. Landed at DFW last monday, was jetlagged for about four days, still getting into the system and will soon update you on whats been going on.

Clueless

Who knew that raising a child would be so intense?
These months at home have exposed interesting traits in Mich that I never knew existed.

“I don’t want to greet”
“Mummy but why should I be polite?”
“That is not what I planned to do”
“Hugging people should not be all the time”
“No!”
“I’m not going to do it”
“No!”
“I will never ever go for a sleep over ever again”
“NO, NO, NO!!!!”

What happened to being kind and taking turns? what about being polite?, I thought these were things we had talked about and dealt with.
Maybe I wasn’t keen to nip these bad habits while they were budding.
I’m sure there are more responses than I could care to mention here.
It’s extremely embarrassing when a child acts contrary to “social norms”, all the blame is cast on the parents, particularly the mom.
At some point I felt hopeless- okay maybe that is a strong word but I really did, it seemed like the two years I spent with him didn’t make the desired impact.
I am now reminded that we are fallen creatures, we are sinful to the core that is just our nature, no one needs to teach us that. It’s the essence of who we are whether we are new arrivals on this planet or ancient inhabitants, we are wicked and that is why we all need Jesus.
I can force/coerce/command Mich to act the right way but as long as he doesn’t have a change of heart it’s all in vain. I need to teach him the principle behind the “do”, I need to help him realize the sinfulness of his very being and point him to Jesus. I have to constantly pray because this is in effect a battle of the soul.
I’m also coming to the conclusion that I probably haven’t been engaging him as I ought.

School has been a rather interesting experience these past few months. One day he is looking forward to it, the next he literally wants to shrivel and disappear at the thought. At the start I thought it was the adjusting process but as the days went by he wasn’t taking it any better. Different study styles? The content? The environment? The teachers? I don’t know. School in Philly was great - this is a whole different ball game.
Even then we are still in the adjusting mode, in a few weeks we will be in Dallas and the process is likely to start over again.
Quite apart from the fact that I feel overwhelmed and odd when Mich acts up in some weird new way, or says something I never imagined, I also acknowledge that he is in new surroundings. He is meeting new people everyday and doesn’t quite know where to place them – what part do they play in his life? How should he treat them?
For a long time it has just been mom and dad now every one here wants to be at the centre of his life (in a good way), his natural response is to protect or defend himself.
It has taken me a while to adjust to being back home how much more Mich who had no recollection of his home?

Last night it dawned on me that even though we tend to belittle kids feelings and reactions they are real and they are a result of something or the other. Mich woke up crying, when asked what the matter was he said he wanted his daddy – duh!
It’s been almost two months since Sam left to start work in Dallas.
How could I forget that a child needs the stability of having both parents around to feel secure and more especially when that is all he has known for the past four critical years of his life?
A child needs both parents, the love from mom and the firm hand from dad or vice versa depending on who has which strengths – or may be not. Maybe God has duties cut out for each parent and when one can’t have both he raises up someone else to play that part or equips the one available I don’t know.
I guess it takes for certain experiences to draw out the thoughts of the heart, if they are never provoked then we never know.

Miss blogging

Oh my blog, how I miss you.
It's just so hard to keep posting my stuff pronto.. The issues of typing it out, uploading it, getting to office... before I know it a month has gone by and the news is a wee bit stale but the struggle continues.

Since the last time I fumed about my buddies on the blog,we have since made up. They have called me up when I least expected, invited me to their homes, Mich has had sleep overs, so I'm a happier woman.
Meanwhile I was asked to lead worship as a back up, that was exciting reminded me of the good ol days.
Something else, I wrote an article and it was published in the Newvision newspaper, that was exciting, now I need to go collect my money. It's not much but hey! it's "ma ne".

Mich is still yoyoing with school, can't tell if he will be thrilled or bawling about going to school the next day.

Lost in transition

I came to Uganda anticipating a time of reconnecting with friends, church and former colleagues. Our first meetings were awesome, there was excitement seeing one another again. However if I bumped into them a third time it felt awkward. Somehow there is nothing more to say, so I’m thinking- maybe I should have kept my visit shorter then everything would have remained spicy. Now - yes we’ve met, yes we’ve said hello, yes we’ve kind of caught up but no, it’s not the same. “Life has happened” we have had different experiences that kind of stretch us in new directions, now we can’t exactly identify with one another.
Then I walk into church - the place I called my second home, the place where I once sang in the choir, the place where I knew almost every one and every one knew me.
I could hardly recognize the faces, I was being told not to do this, “move over there”, “uh no, you can’t sit there”, and by who? People I don’t even know, oh! Feels like coming back to my house and finding new occupants.
Nothing prepared me for that change, 2 weeks away from church is a long time, a thousand and one new things take place, what ever made me think that 2 years away would be anything less?
I continue to learn that comfort zones are a no no in Gods kingdom. He doesn’t want us to get to a place of complacency, a place of familiarity; He always wants us to be on our toes. I must admit I miss the good old days, but that’s what they are going to remain. The days when I would chat with almost every one, or the evenings we would have bible study then stay around hours after it was over just chatting. Pastor Gary would joke about how we stayed at church as though we didn’t have homes to go to.
Every where I turn there is a new face. It’s a good thing I guess - it means the church is growing; my only worry is that it might be growing wide but not deep but then again that is why we have cells.
“We are an English speaking cell based community church, celebrating Christ, growing and multiplying as each one reaches one, touching those around us with the love of Jesus, bringing healing to the city and to the nation”. That is the KPC vision.

Back to my friends and the awkwardness, it’s feels like there is some kind of embarrassment - avoiding eye contact like there is something to be ashamed of.
Ok, I need to get with the fact that things will not be the same, I have to embrace the new and move on.
In a matter of weeks I will be out of here, starting a new life in a different city so I better save my energies for the new relationships I’m going to pursue.