A letter to my single girl friends

Dear SLs’,

Every so often you come to mind, like a butterfly settling on a flower. I mean, I can be there reading a book or going about my crazy life and then boom! You are on my mind. Did I say this happens often? because it does. I yearn to say so much but I’m afraid it might spill out the wrong way.

My thoughts towards you get tender with each passing day. I prayed for you yesterday. I was listening to a sermon in church when you floated into my mind.

I remembered getting home one Christmas day; beat from dancing at the Christmas Cantata (must have been 1999). I’d had so much fun, I fell asleep. But there was a guy on my mind! Life was just complicated! I

The commute!

6:20a.m: I unlock the door. The morning chill hits me - brrrrrr!
It’s dark outside. The noise of cars whizzing past fills the air – do these people ever sleep? It's a comfort none the less, see, I’m not the only insane person. I trot to the bus stop.

6:25a.m the bus rolls up, I step in, say good morning to the bus driver while I swipe my card. Beep! Good! I still have some units. I look around for a spot to nestle for the next half hour or so. Fellow commuters hurdle in corners trying to catch the last dregs of sleep, others take the chance to read a book. Silence! - except for the vroom of the bus. Forget your taxi radios tuned in to Cha Ba Sa. leave us in peace! Who says we want to listen to what you want? Head phones hello?!

Work: Week 2

Just when I begun questioning, things got better and this is how.
Everyday I got on the bus and worried helplessly about my children: Would they be okay? Would be they be loved and taken care of? Would Amani heal from her illness? Would I get back in time to pick them up?

My bible study one morning stated it this way : "Consider the lilies of the field" – they grow where they are put. Many of us refuse to grow where we are put, consequently we take root nowhere. Jesus says that if we obey the life God has given us, He will look after all the other things"
Drops of wisdom begun to sink into my heart.
a) To be grateful for the opportunity to work for this "prestigious" organisation. To embrace the opportunity and get rooted.
b) I'm not the one who keeps my children alive and well, God is. I need to trust Him with them. At times I'm tempted to think "I got this!" because I'm around them, forgetting that God is in charge.
The Sunday sermon was from Luke 10:41- 42: “Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, but few things are needed—or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.”

The point? Relax in me, look for me, dwell in me - that's what's better.
I felt the bar of worry melt away - like acid eating metal, the heaviness lifted.

Now, I'm human and from time to time I catch myself worrying and like a restless child who has been told to sit in one place, I have to pick my thoughts up and take them back to where they belong - At the Cross.

1st week at work, sickness, chaos and such

The wait was excruciating, one week seemed like a month and oh! how the days dragged as I waited for the phone call. Every time my phone rung my heart raced until finally there was an email. You've got the job! I was super excited.
Night before I report for work: Amani throws up and coughs to no end, she finally sleeps.
First day: I was up at 5:30am, jumped on the bus at 6:25am, onto the train at 7:05am,  was at the office by 7:50am. Sam sorted out the kids, got Amani dressed, pushed Mich a long, dropped him off at school, got Amani to day care and rushed off to work.
Turns out they were not expecting me yet (long story). I headed home. Got a call from the day care - Amani was not well at all. God's ways! I'm glad I could pick her up. While she was home taking a nap, I received a message from office asking me to start the next day. Damn!! I was hoping for a free week, especially with Amani sick and stuff. I was beginning to feel sick too.
Next day, I was back on the bus, then the train and so on. Got to office, processed my ID, whizzed through the maze of corridors to my desk, just in time for a meeting where I was asked to take minutes.  My brain was spinning with all the jargon but  I managed to make some sense of it, it helped me catch up on the goings on.
My day was done at 5pm, there was a delay with the train, I got to the day care at 6:30, walked through the crazy cold, got home 6:50pm, went straight to the kitchen, put food on the fire, dashed up to shower Amani (who was slowly improving). This time Sam was all sick in the bathroom - something he ate? or maybe Amani's infection spreading??
Back on the trade mill day 2, same routine. Get home exhausted and thinking wow! Is this going to be my life? is it the adjusting pains?
Then I fell sick too, couldn't get out of bed all Saturday. It must have been something we ate. Mich was untouched though.
I would certainly be glad to have a helper, seriously!

Snow white

I’m looking out of the window, watching little magical snowflakes quietly, purposefully, gently, falling to the ground. It’s beautiful. It’s cold.

It’s calming to gaze on from the warmth of my room, exciting too for little kids just breaking off from school and skipping along with glee. Their thirst finally quenched for long they waited. December came and there was nothing, Christmas day too. “Oh! What is Christmas without snow?” they asked. Now they smile for it comes with the New Year!
Mich is bouncing off the walls as usual, looking forward to snow ball fights; Amani's first snow experience and she doesn't quite know what to make of it. Judging from her brother's gymnatics, she figures it's something to be excited about.

I love snow when it first falls. It’s fresh. It’s new. It’s crisp. It’s clean. It’s White.
Reminds me of David’s prayer in Psalm 51
“Cleanse me with hyssop, and I will be clean; wash me, and I will be whiter than snow”

Isaiah 1:18
“Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red as crimson, they shall be like wool.”

So when snow falls, it is a reminder that I have a redeemer whose blood cleanses me from my sin and guilt, leaving me pure and clean - whiter that snow.