The Fast ended and life continued.
I was tired of trying so hard to please my manager. I'd hit bottom, there was no further to fall. Something snapped and suddenly I wasn't going to try so hard any more.
Standing at the bus stop one morning, I had a brief conversation with God in which I expressed my frustration. Then I had a light bulb moment, I was reminded that my life is not about me, it's all about God and His purposes to perform, even when it makes no sense to me. I was helpless, unarmed - a reminder that I was nothing without Him. My attempts to twist His arm, begging Him to perform miracles didn’t work. He chose to do what He willed, even if it meant looking foolish which I did. I remember thinking, "This must be what it's like to be stupid and totally clueless. Your head is spinning, you don't know whether you are coming or going." But how God was using this for His glory remained a mystery to me.
May 17, 2012
May 12, 2012
To The Uncertain Mom
Who thinks she is not mom because nobody calls her mummy.
Who thinks she is not mom because she hasn't gone through 9 months of pregnancy.
Who thinks she is not mom because the ones who would call her mummy are gone or not yet here.
You may not have carried life in your womb or nursed a baby at your breast but you have carried a baby and rocked it to sleep, stayed up at night to help with a sick, cranky child. You have said a prayer for a little one, you have … Happy mother’s day!Who thinks she is not mom because she hasn't gone through 9 months of pregnancy.
Who thinks she is not mom because the ones who would call her mummy are gone or not yet here.
You cried as your body writhed, saddened by the premature separation from the life being formed within. You carried the lifeless body, stared at the undefined mass. Nobody knew. Everybody knew. Your body took form. There were whispers in the dormitory, the lecture theatre, the office corridors, the neighborhood. Now, there is no evidence except the scars marked on your heart, on your body, on your … Happy mothers’ day!
You spent days together, you spent years together but quickly and yet slowly, the air was sucked out of both of you when you laid that precious life…less. Friends, toddler mates, class mates, crib mates will never see again, even forget existence, but not you, the memory is fresh, it’s yesterday, it’s today, it’s now, it’s … Happy mothers’ day!
The time has not yet come, it’s already gone, it’s here, you wait, patiently impatient. Forces work for, against you; a soul mate, a medical condition, time, age, your body, you are still a mother. Happy mother’s day!
You have mentored, advised and shared what “mama always said…”. You have been to the desert and back with a hurting friend - your sleeve drenched with their tears. You wiped a snooty nose, kissed a boo boo, hugged a kid (they come in all sizes you know?!) especially when afraid, disappointed or plain ecstatic. Happy mother’s day!
Daughter, sister, girlfriend, whatever title you choose – here is a flower for each day of the week.
Apr 30, 2012
Sacrifice!
I met him in the grocery store.
His eyes lit up when he saw me, they followed me as I walked down the aisle. It was 9 pm, I was rushing home when I stopped to buy a few groceries.
All the counters were closed except for the self checkout and there he was again, eager to help. As he packed my groceries, he asked, “So, where do you come from?” clearly he was not referring to my local residence but my country of origin.
Do I look so obviously foreign? I wondered.
“Where do you think I come from?” I asked
“Senegal?, Cameroon?, Nigeria ?”
I shook my head each time.
“I’m from East Africa, Uganda to be exact”.
Then he said "Yes, people from East Africa are dark like you".
I couldn't disagree more but since Sudan is in the general area, he was right in the large scheme of things.
I thought he was a Nigerian although his accent was not too “a beggo” and he seemed a little less assertive, turns out he was Ghanaian.
In a few short minutes, he had rolled out the intimate details of his life; he was a father and a husband, he had 3 boys and this was his second time in America. He lit up when he spoke of his family, suddenly transposed to another place, a longing smile crept on to his face as if he was peering down at his wife and kids through a window.
“I left before my last born could walk, he is walking now, he even says a few words. My wife will join me, but first I need to make some money"
His story tagged at my heart strings but in this country one can't afford to carry impromptu burdens just like that, you'll trip and all your cards will come crumbling down. There is hardly room for unplanned detours.
He however had recognised a kindred and would not let my eyes wonder as his were glued to mine. This was his opportunity to relieve the pressure bottled up inside this cold and lonely place.
I was a friend. He didn't know my name but that wouldn't hinder his search for a "familiar face", one who understood his language.
As I peered into his world, for a few brief seconds, his sacrifice was almost tangible.
His desire to make life better for his family had him packing groceries in a foreign land.
He constantly thinks of his boys. He longs for his wife, to eat the fufu and okra she lovingly prepares for him, to feel the warmth of her body as he lies down to sleep at night. He stares at the cold burger and fries that will be his meal for the night, tasteless...
"...My wife will join me, but first I need to make some money"
“What was his status in this country?” “If his papers were not clear, how long would it take before his family could join him?”
All this didn't seem to phase him, not that I asked.
He is here, he has a job, and when the time is right, he will be reunited with his family.
Is this part of the curse for man's sin in the garden of Eden?
"The very ground is cursed because of you; getting food from the ground
Will be as painful as having babies is for your wife; you'll be working in pain all your life long". Genesis 3:17
I think of families around the world separated by waters and boarders, visible and invisible. Separated by work, school, careers, beliefs, finances, documents and countless other reasons.
Huge sacrifices!
May they pay off and bring warmth back to hearts that are slowly freezing but continuously fighting to keep the blood flowing.
His eyes lit up when he saw me, they followed me as I walked down the aisle. It was 9 pm, I was rushing home when I stopped to buy a few groceries.
All the counters were closed except for the self checkout and there he was again, eager to help. As he packed my groceries, he asked, “So, where do you come from?” clearly he was not referring to my local residence but my country of origin.
Do I look so obviously foreign? I wondered.
“Where do you think I come from?” I asked
“Senegal?, Cameroon?, Nigeria ?”
I shook my head each time.
“I’m from East Africa, Uganda to be exact”.
Then he said "Yes, people from East Africa are dark like you".
I couldn't disagree more but since Sudan is in the general area, he was right in the large scheme of things.
I thought he was a Nigerian although his accent was not too “a beggo” and he seemed a little less assertive, turns out he was Ghanaian.
In a few short minutes, he had rolled out the intimate details of his life; he was a father and a husband, he had 3 boys and this was his second time in America. He lit up when he spoke of his family, suddenly transposed to another place, a longing smile crept on to his face as if he was peering down at his wife and kids through a window.
“I left before my last born could walk, he is walking now, he even says a few words. My wife will join me, but first I need to make some money"
His story tagged at my heart strings but in this country one can't afford to carry impromptu burdens just like that, you'll trip and all your cards will come crumbling down. There is hardly room for unplanned detours.
He however had recognised a kindred and would not let my eyes wonder as his were glued to mine. This was his opportunity to relieve the pressure bottled up inside this cold and lonely place.
I was a friend. He didn't know my name but that wouldn't hinder his search for a "familiar face", one who understood his language.
As I peered into his world, for a few brief seconds, his sacrifice was almost tangible.
His desire to make life better for his family had him packing groceries in a foreign land.
He constantly thinks of his boys. He longs for his wife, to eat the fufu and okra she lovingly prepares for him, to feel the warmth of her body as he lies down to sleep at night. He stares at the cold burger and fries that will be his meal for the night, tasteless...
"...My wife will join me, but first I need to make some money"
“What was his status in this country?” “If his papers were not clear, how long would it take before his family could join him?”
All this didn't seem to phase him, not that I asked.
He is here, he has a job, and when the time is right, he will be reunited with his family.
Is this part of the curse for man's sin in the garden of Eden?
"The very ground is cursed because of you; getting food from the ground
Will be as painful as having babies is for your wife; you'll be working in pain all your life long". Genesis 3:17
I think of families around the world separated by waters and boarders, visible and invisible. Separated by work, school, careers, beliefs, finances, documents and countless other reasons.
Huge sacrifices!
May they pay off and bring warmth back to hearts that are slowly freezing but continuously fighting to keep the blood flowing.
Apr 13, 2012
Cherry blossom pleasure
I took some pictures on my way to work one Friday morning. I had a really good day, couldn't stop smiling, the scenery warmed my heart completely.
Apr 10, 2012
The Daniel Fast and Captain Haddock
For some Easter is over and done with, for me, it is a recurring event. I can't get enough of it.
Like a thunderous crescendo it sets my heart pumping faster with excitement. The Hosannas as Jesus rides on a donkey, to the anguish in the garden of Gethsemane; the desertion and loneliness of the cross, the deepest darkest hell and finally Jesus bursting forth in triumph over death on the 3rd day - Life changing!
Who am I, that the Lord of all the earth …
“6 Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage; 7 rather, he made himself nothing by taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. 8 And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to death—even death on a cross!
Refrain!!!
On the 20th of February I started the Daniel fast. Hungry for more than food, I yearned to be quiet, to shut out the bustle of life and spend focused time with God.
Like a thunderous crescendo it sets my heart pumping faster with excitement. The Hosannas as Jesus rides on a donkey, to the anguish in the garden of Gethsemane; the desertion and loneliness of the cross, the deepest darkest hell and finally Jesus bursting forth in triumph over death on the 3rd day - Life changing!
Who am I, that the Lord of all the earth …
“6 Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage; 7 rather, he made himself nothing by taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. 8 And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to death—even death on a cross!
Refrain!!!
On the 20th of February I started the Daniel fast. Hungry for more than food, I yearned to be quiet, to shut out the bustle of life and spend focused time with God.
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