Love is serious business

It was while at a friend’s wedding recently that I was reminded of the beauty and seriousness of the vows I made to Mr. O almost 9 years ago. At 24 I was rosy eyed and love stricken, this was the man I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. What that entailed?! – I had no clue. Even with all the counseling, the excitement of walking down the aisle and sharing house with my boy friend got the better of me. Now, almost 9 years later, sitting in the congregation and listening to Flavia saying her vows, set me nodding like a puppet on strings, like I was having a eureka moment.


In marriage, not only do you become one in body, “You become one in thoughts, dreams and aspirations”. It’s the melting and molding of two separate individuals into one – the surrender, sacrifice and selflessness, the encouragement, rebuke and protection that make everything real and hard at times. As time inches forward, our faults and failures are magnified. You get your cute little head out of the clouds and trek the ground with all its rocks, sand, paddles, potholes and parties. Purpose to trek together, support one another and be there for each other no matter the situation. There is an indescribable bond and purpose to life when you work as a team. You have more confidence to face life’s curved balls because you know your back is covered.

The rings are made of earths most precious materials signifying heavens most precious virtue – Love. So, the priceless question is - What is love? Is it the ooey, gooey, mushy, washy, starry eyed feeling that makes your heart go giddy up?
Well, here is another angle:-

If I speak with human eloquence and angelic ecstasy but don't love, I'm nothing but the creaking of a rusty gate.

Love never gives up.


Love cares more for others than for self.


Love doesn't want what it doesn't have.


Love doesn't strut,


Doesn't have a swelled head,


Doesn't force itself on others,


Isn't always "me first,"


Doesn't fly off the handle,


Doesn't keep score of the sins of others,


Doesn't revel when others grovel,


Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,


Puts up with anything,


Trusts God always,


Always looks for the best,


Never looks back,


But keeps going to the end.


LOVE NEVER DIES.

Love is a commitment not a feeling. It puts up with anything – beat that!

I can’t snap my fingers and say, “That’s it! I’ve had enough of your adulterous, porn addictive, nagging, filthy ways!” You choose to love me even when I’m a disrespectful, stubborn, unsupportive, uncommunicative partner.

There is heavenly freedom and joy in knowing that no matter what I do, you are there, you care. Just the knowledge that you’re accepted is a motivation to be a better person. There is salvation and not condemnation.

We promise to be together “in sickness and in health” but how one’s stomach falls when a partner is diagnosed with a terminal illness – it’s scary. It’s near impossible to shake off the anguish when a child dies or is sickly. The flurry of emotions either strengthens or tears the marriage. The dangerous blame game pours salt in the juice; my children are not as brilliant because of your genes, now they stand a risk of inheriting this disease, I could have had a child of the other sex … As if to say, this was not part of the deal, I expected you to be perfect. Acknowledge the feelings of frustration and accept your partner with the knowledge that certain things are not planned.

Can we Love unconditionally? Not without God’s help we can’t.

As partners, our primary role is to help each other blossom and live up to our full potential. We are accountable to God. At the end of the day you will present you partner before God and He will ask to see how much of a better person you made them.

The world would be a different place if we didn’t give up on each other, didn’t strut or fly off the handle, took pleasure in the truth, always looked for the best, trusted God always…

It’s that serious and that fulfilling.

A day in the life of this expecting mommy

I honk the car horn, throw my head back and wait.
I hear fumbling on the other side before the gate creaks and opens in a haphazard fashion.
There, I see Mich, struggling to drag this heavy metal, pulling it back like a playmate resisting his tag. Tripping over his own feet in excitement , he grins as he lets the car in. I roll the car into parking position and switch off the engine.

I’m exhausted!

My back is on fire, my hands and feet are expanding like they are being pumped with air pressure. My facial features compete for space. My nose stretches east and west, my eyes sink under the flab of chubby eyelids as though in the game of hide and seek. My cheeks are filled up like I’m hoarding nuts on each side.

Then I hear on the radio how some crazy Chinese man stormed a kindergarten and hacked 8 or 9 toddlers to death.

I unlock the door and drag my legs out - one at a time. They slump to the ground and I raise my wobbly self up on their support. The weight of my tummy is unbelievable, it gravitates me towards the floor. Pressure on my pelvis, pressure on my bladder, pressure …
Mich rushes at me like a bullet, his eyes sparkling like diamonds, he screams “Welcome back Mummy”. He slams into my side and hugs me tight, as far round as his little arms can reach. The screech of his voice makes baby leap. I smile. What a heartwarming welcome!

I slowly walk into the house, drop my bags on a chair and slump down on the sofa, carefully raising my legs onto the footrest and sighing.
As I stretch and take a few deep breaths, I muse on the news I heard earlier in the day; a plane - Airways Afriqiyah, crashed landed in Tripoli, all 103 passengers died, except an 8 year old boy.
I think of the joys, the aches and strains of pregnancy, how the body works like a machine to make this baby. The woman’s body takes on a new form, it stretches, internal organs are crammed to make space and to nourish new life. Then there is celebration when this baby is born and starts life on its own.

In all this God’s mercies are new every morning; Chinese toddlers die, a Dutch boy is a sole survivor of a plane crash and this African woman, carrying new life in her womb mourns the death of her grandmother. Rest in peace Tata Apio.

What a day, day, day.