My son is a sinner and I'm an even bigger one!
Mich turned 8 today.
He wants a toy with batteries, one that he can connect to electricity - hint hint. As a little boy making every effort to fit into a new culture and constantly finding himself at a loss, I give him the credit.
He is saying “I’m growing. I need more challenge. These toys were fun but now, they don’t cut it”. It’s all about the Nintendo DS or something similar.
Mich is fun! Especially when he starts throwing those unexpected questions;
Mich: Daddy, does a fish have a heart?
Daddy: Now that is not something I ever got round to thinking about.
Mich: What would happen if we didn’t have saliva?
Daddy: We would not eat or swallow, we would die.
He is complex too. I can’t wrap my mind around him;- extremely moody, sensitive and self concious. His outburst are for world cup! If things don’t go as he planned, he is a wreck! But he is learning about self control.
He is afraid of injections. He will repent of past, present and future mistakes, when he sees a needle.
He unnerves me and presses buttons I never knew existed. At times I get so upset my blood boils, my face warms up, my eyes go red and it feels like I’ll explode or have a fit. At times I’m so raw I pray for sanity. Other times I feel like I have failed him. There are moments I listen to our conversations and it’s hard to tell who’s in charge. I want to shape him, I try, but those notes from his teacher make we want to give up.
Raising a child is hard! Keeping a balance between love and discipline is even harder. I drift to extremes, more towards discipline than affection.
He disobeys, He is disruptive and sometimes he does some really silly things. We talk about it; I ask questions, I listen, I teach, I explain, we pray. He says “Mummy, it is hard! I know what I’m supposed to do but I don’t want to do it. I try but I end up doing what is wrong.” He tries to do good but evil seems the only alternative. It takes me to Paul’s letter to the Romans, chapter 7:21.
21 So I find this law at work: Although I want to do good, evil is right there with me. 22 For in my inner being I delight in God’s law; 23 but I see another law at work in me, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within me. 24 What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body that is subject to death? 25 Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord!
The other day he said "Sometimes I wish I didn't exist". I felt sad! I started thinking of ways to encourage him when I asked, "Like when?", then he says "Like when I get in trouble" I nearly said "welcome to the club!" how many times have I messed up and wished the ground would swallow me in that instant?!
He is a sinner. Mostly I deny it because I’m embarrassed by his behavior and I'm selfishly concerned about what “they” will think of me. He may not be the teacher’s favorite - the goody two shoes. His room may be a tangible version of chaos (despite our efforts to teach him how to be organised). It feels like teenage has come early but it’s alright! I’ma pray! I’ma do my best and ask Jesus to save his soul and mine too, for I’m a bigger sinner.
He is sweet and curious.
He loves his sister to bits but sometimes I think he could trade her for a holiday.
He is crazy about Science, experiments and discovery. He wants a pet; one day it’s a whale, the next a newt, then a snake, then a gecko, a micro fish and so on. I love the way he pronounces scientific names like he's talking about his buddies.
His handwriting has improved; he doesn’t complain so much about writing anymore - probably figured he was fighting a losing battle. He’s got a great sense of humor and likes to crack jokes.
He loves to read, his concentration is fierce, like the pages were food and he a starved tramp. He ends up with a splitting headache and nibbled finger nails, don’t so much as cough in such a situation for it is a certain precursor to an intense meltdown.
He pays attention to detail and is very careful about things that matter to him; cub scouts, his books, pleasing his friends ...
Did I say he is very serious? A week ago he told his dad how upset he was that his brain was as small as a grape (something he had read). His dad had to clarify that that meant a grape fruit not a grape.
Each day I pray for better understanding and insight, God knows I need it. I’m going to burn the midnight oil and keep on the front page news in heaven. I realise I can't do this parenting job with out Him, my failures and faults glare back at me and I want to disappear - run away.
He wants a toy with batteries, one that he can connect to electricity - hint hint. As a little boy making every effort to fit into a new culture and constantly finding himself at a loss, I give him the credit.
He is saying “I’m growing. I need more challenge. These toys were fun but now, they don’t cut it”. It’s all about the Nintendo DS or something similar.
Mich is fun! Especially when he starts throwing those unexpected questions;
Mich: Daddy, does a fish have a heart?
Daddy: Now that is not something I ever got round to thinking about.
Mich: What would happen if we didn’t have saliva?
Daddy: We would not eat or swallow, we would die.
He is complex too. I can’t wrap my mind around him;- extremely moody, sensitive and self concious. His outburst are for world cup! If things don’t go as he planned, he is a wreck! But he is learning about self control.
He is afraid of injections. He will repent of past, present and future mistakes, when he sees a needle.
He unnerves me and presses buttons I never knew existed. At times I get so upset my blood boils, my face warms up, my eyes go red and it feels like I’ll explode or have a fit. At times I’m so raw I pray for sanity. Other times I feel like I have failed him. There are moments I listen to our conversations and it’s hard to tell who’s in charge. I want to shape him, I try, but those notes from his teacher make we want to give up.
Raising a child is hard! Keeping a balance between love and discipline is even harder. I drift to extremes, more towards discipline than affection.
He disobeys, He is disruptive and sometimes he does some really silly things. We talk about it; I ask questions, I listen, I teach, I explain, we pray. He says “Mummy, it is hard! I know what I’m supposed to do but I don’t want to do it. I try but I end up doing what is wrong.” He tries to do good but evil seems the only alternative. It takes me to Paul’s letter to the Romans, chapter 7:21.
21 So I find this law at work: Although I want to do good, evil is right there with me. 22 For in my inner being I delight in God’s law; 23 but I see another law at work in me, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within me. 24 What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body that is subject to death? 25 Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord!
The other day he said "Sometimes I wish I didn't exist". I felt sad! I started thinking of ways to encourage him when I asked, "Like when?", then he says "Like when I get in trouble" I nearly said "welcome to the club!" how many times have I messed up and wished the ground would swallow me in that instant?!
He is a sinner. Mostly I deny it because I’m embarrassed by his behavior and I'm selfishly concerned about what “they” will think of me. He may not be the teacher’s favorite - the goody two shoes. His room may be a tangible version of chaos (despite our efforts to teach him how to be organised). It feels like teenage has come early but it’s alright! I’ma pray! I’ma do my best and ask Jesus to save his soul and mine too, for I’m a bigger sinner.
He is sweet and curious.
He loves his sister to bits but sometimes I think he could trade her for a holiday.
He is crazy about Science, experiments and discovery. He wants a pet; one day it’s a whale, the next a newt, then a snake, then a gecko, a micro fish and so on. I love the way he pronounces scientific names like he's talking about his buddies.
His handwriting has improved; he doesn’t complain so much about writing anymore - probably figured he was fighting a losing battle. He’s got a great sense of humor and likes to crack jokes.
He loves to read, his concentration is fierce, like the pages were food and he a starved tramp. He ends up with a splitting headache and nibbled finger nails, don’t so much as cough in such a situation for it is a certain precursor to an intense meltdown.
He pays attention to detail and is very careful about things that matter to him; cub scouts, his books, pleasing his friends ...
Did I say he is very serious? A week ago he told his dad how upset he was that his brain was as small as a grape (something he had read). His dad had to clarify that that meant a grape fruit not a grape.
Each day I pray for better understanding and insight, God knows I need it. I’m going to burn the midnight oil and keep on the front page news in heaven. I realise I can't do this parenting job with out Him, my failures and faults glare back at me and I want to disappear - run away.
Ha ha ha ha Mama Mich, you are just too good with words!!! Thanks for sharing this.. Happy birthday to Mich!!! Mrs K
ReplyDeleteThis is so wonderful reading Mary. I simple adore it.
ReplyDeleteLisa Troy
Spot my dear how true. we have reached that point with Damita so many dont's, stop, leave that and so on that you can read the frustration from her and she is so much like your mich loves books like her whole life depends on them can smell a gadget like a shark smells blood no matter where you hide it; but when it comes to keeping her stuff organising her room thats a challenge and remembering that mummy says do this and do that
ReplyDeleteI absolutely loved reading this - Thank you for being open & honest.
ReplyDeleteI'm loving the way you describe Mich!!
Mrs. K, Lisa, Clare, Miz Page - Thanks for the kind comments and for identifying with me in some way. The journey is long and I'm committed to walking it with Jesus by my side.
ReplyDeleteI am feeling you on so many levels. My 5 year old is amazing. And then he does the craziest things and I don't know whether to explode, laugh or exorcise him!
ReplyDeleteThis is a profound post Mama Mich!! Nice to read about how grown Mich is.
ReplyDeleteMy little boy is just months older than Mich and your conversations with Mich reminded me of my little boy!
Little boys like to tell tales. Mine is seeming to horn the skills and sometimes it drives me up the wall. So one day before bedtime we had a chat and I asked him why he has to always get the urge to tell tales(read lies:)) and his response was, "Mom, I cant help it! I have tried and failed to stop." It took me so much to contain my laughter. I just widened my eyes in all seriousness and said.."nothing is impossible,practice and pray about it."
Keep well, always nice reading you.
Maya