A letter to my single girl friends

Dear SLs’,

Every so often you come to mind, like a butterfly settling on a flower. I mean, I can be there reading a book or going about my crazy life and then boom! You are on my mind. Did I say this happens often? because it does. I yearn to say so much but I’m afraid it might spill out the wrong way.

My thoughts towards you get tender with each passing day. I prayed for you yesterday. I was listening to a sermon in church when you floated into my mind.

I remembered getting home one Christmas day; beat from dancing at the Christmas Cantata (must have been 1999). I’d had so much fun, I fell asleep. But there was a guy on my mind! Life was just complicated! I
wanted God to sort things out and my oh my! Did I pray?! It seemed like every moment was consumed with thoughts of - “God if he is the one let him say”, “If he is not the one, take him away!” That evening UTV screened “Fiddler on the Roof” and just to stress my point the girls sang a most interesting song “Match maker, match maker, make me a match, find me a find, catch me a catch” – I took it to the next level, even God must have said “ho!!” Like Jacob I said “I will not let go until you bless me”.

My story aside, I was thinking, if I went through that kind of intensity back then, what has it been like for you through the years?

Time has flown by, another birthday approaches and there is no one to speak of. The clock has “tick-tocked” more times than you care and insensitive people increase the volume with their snide remarks. You have fasted and prayed but it seems God has another plan.

The little bu gals you saw in Sunday school are happily walking down the aisle, in fact they call to say “Auntie, I’m engaged! The wedding meetings are …” It sucks! I mean, yes you are happy for them but …

Married girl friends are discussing tubal ligation - officially closing the chapter nga you, you haven’t experienced the joy of carrying life in your womb. You might want to cry and scream “Why? Lord, why?”

You have given your heart - you want to give your heart. It’s burning with desire and longing, if only the right guy would come along – you’ve got so much love to give, it’s over flowing. See, that’s the way God made us women, we were born to love, to nurture - it feels like the wells are being wasted. “If only he could show up NOW!!! I’ll give him the children, I’ll cook the food, I’ll do everything”.

You sober up when couples who’ve been together since before, before, whisper they are getting a divorce or separation. Before you know it Kardashians are popping out of every corner. The question – “naye is marriage worth it?? Kubanga what I have seen bambi kyimpitirideko!!!!!”

Isaiah 53:6 “We all, like sheep, have gone astray, each of us has turned to our own way; …” we have all sinned and fallen short. Concentrate on working out your own salvation with fear and trembling. God has a different plan for every one of us.
You say, “Sister so and so has got it all; a good job, a great husband, cute babies - boys and girls even. On top of all that, she is constantly swatting guys off like flies”. Then you say “but it’s not fair, at least if I was smitten with half her problems”. Be careful! You don’t know half her story.

I Corinthians 7:32 – 35 says
"I want you to live as free of complications as possible. When you're unmarried, you're free to concentrate on simply pleasing the Master. Marriage involves you in all the nuts and bolts of domestic life and in wanting to please your spouse, leading to so many more demands on your attention. The time and energy that married people spend on caring for and nurturing each other, the unmarried can spend in becoming whole and holy instruments of God. I'm trying to be helpful and make it as easy as possible for you, not make things harder. All I want is for you to be able to develop a way of life in which you can spend plenty of time together with the Master without a lot of distractions."

Putting all these issues into consideration, guaranteed, I don’t have answers, there is no formula but I know God is not sleeping, He doesn’t make mistakes and He definitely has His eye on you so…wait patiently! You may be tempted to pull a “Ruth” move, please do but only as the Lord leads you. In the mean time …

Soak yourself in God and His word, in your passions, your relationships, and your talents; maximize every moment that life presents to you. Don’t hold back!
a) Keep yourself pure.
b) Cut the weight! “The Curious Case of Benjamin Burton” was just that, a curious case! On top of that it was a movie, so really no chance that we’ll grow backwards. Things start getting loose and stuff. Sickness tends to lurk in those pouches and as we grow older we are more prone (cancer, fibroids, cysts…). So, eat healthy, do a little exercise, go for a medical checkup, you’ll feel better about yourself and save us all some crying time. Do this for you!
c) Find the things that make you tick and enlarge that territory.
May God meet you! Don’t be desperate to marry, be desperate for God.

Love you deeply!!!

M