There will always be prettier girls, with firmer abs, whiter teeth, longer hair, bigger busts and perfect body shapes. There will always be more intelligent human beings with out- of- this -world ideas. They will sing better, be more confident, be “the best friend” and do “the job” with excellence and that’s just fine.
But, NO ONE can be me better than me.
As I hug the shore of 35 I reflect on who I’ve become.
I look into the mirror and I see a woman, a grown woman, a wife, a mother, a mentor, a friend. I look again and the tell tale signs are everywhere - I have been around for some time. According to research everything goes downhill from here on; cells don’t replace as fast and I’m sorta slowing down. Can I deal with that and accept it gracefully?
A part of me goes into panic mode, alarms bells set off in my head, question marks circling my mind like eager children singing “a ring a ring of roses” .
What have I done with my life?
I look through lenses of this world, this culture, this society and quite frankly I don’t measure up. I haven’t hit that career mark. I don’t possess the fancy car or live in a house that I call my own. My son is not enrolled in “the school” neither does he possess toys of the latest cartoon character.
When I blink and look again with Jesus lens, my fears are calmed, I’m confident and secure because all I see is love, and then I feel like a little girl – “I’ll always be a little girl in Father's eyes”
In God’s hands I can BE, I can DO
In Him there are no time limits, Sarah; Abraham’s wife can tell you all about that.
In Him I’m bigger and better, so if I have 2 days, or 2 decades left, in Christ I’m maximized.
I know I won’t leave this world alive, so I want to make it count and it can only count in Christ.
My true satisfaction is in God, in being the best me that God intended.
I will dance the funky chicken, watch cartoons, laugh with abandon, give tighter hugs, love my body and look after it better, turn the music loud, get in touch with the madness within. For in doing this I will be praising my creator. Life is not about me, it’s about Him and I’m only here for Him and His purposes. So if my plans for me are not fulfilled its fine, what counts is His plans for me being accomplished.
Life is a gift.
I want to give it through a smile, a touch, a prayer; to live in the moment, to celebrate friendships, to use all my gifts and talents.
I like the confidence that I’ve adorned with the years, I’m no longer naïve, and I know my strengths and weaknesses. I know what I can do and choose to focus on that, for my shortcomings, well, I pray for grace to accept them and wisdom to know the difference.
Hello world, here I come.
Now let’s do this!!!
Jun 21, 2011
Jun 2, 2011
My two cents on this Tenth Anniversary
Time flies when you’re having fun!
1997-1999. 2 awesome years of waiting on the mail man, secretly praying that when I checked the mail book at the KPC reception I would see my name or that the Maria would say “Hi Mary, you’ve got mail”.
1999-2000. A brilliant mind invented Internet and my troubles matured to Eudora, inventing a yahoo email address and typing a message finger by slow finger like I was bursting bubbles with each key; Finding an internet café or tracking down Koma at the MUK computer lab and then queuing for the one PC that everyone wanted to use. Oh! How my heart would sink when I saw “No unread messages”.
So the virtual relationship lasted 3 years. In the 4th year we wed. I said my vows eagerly – I was marrying my best friend. We enjoyed 2 years of blissful companion ship before Mich showed up, then life changed. There was a lot more on my plate – a baby who depended on me, a husband who felt threatened by this little bundle of “selfishness”; church ministry took a back sit, keeping friendships and a career became immense hard work . A whole new world!
My waist line got erased and kilos crept on with relatives and friends. With all the exhaustion and frustration came misunderstandings, arguments and stress. Do we still love each other? Are we growing apart? Was this love thing for real? The commitment to talking things through, facing the nasty things about one’s self, owning up for mistakes, understanding that we are both not perfect and struggling to keep Jesus in the picture helps us through the rough patches.
7 years later Amani made her grand entry.
Family comes first; working after hours is not encouraged. Ask questions, read between the lines. Spend time together, you’ll argue more, rub each other the wrong way more but in the process you’ll understand each other better.
Never underestimate backgrounds, childhood experiences and family traditions. For a while I thought Sam came from the craziest family ever and he thought my family had lost it. It was as though we were the only two sane survivors from either side but we didn’t totally escape. Just like a person who passes through smoke comes away with a whiff, we each had our family scents. One quick example; My dad always bought groceries, he came home with chicken, bread, sugar, snacks, bananas e.t.c No, he was not given a shopping list and no, it was not expected of him, but each time we were all pleasantly surprised. On the other hand Sam’s mom did all the shopping without any exceptions. So you can imagine my chaos and speechlessnessssssss when he would come home empty handed after passing a supermarket. Expectations, assumptions, very key. The more time I spent with his family the more I understood the “whys” and the “where for’s” and he likewise, but I advise that you spend the time in small doses, an over doze in a short period can be fatal.
Our roles have been defined along the way. He is disciplined with money, so he handles the family finances. I love to eat so the kitchen is my territory.
We celebrate each other’s victories; Job promotions, recognitions, opportunities, successes. We have had the opportunity to suffer loss too. When Sam lost his job a few years ago it was a crisis. He needed encouragement, reassurance and space. I never saw him more vulnerable and partly I didn’t understand it, so at times I wasn’t sure how to handle him, so I took him to The Cross and prayed that some guy would reach out to him so they could speak the same language. A year or two before that I lost two handsome little boys and devastated can hardly describe my state at the time. Sam couldn’t quite fill the void or soothe the hurt so I run to The Cross. Along the way we have realized that he can’t be everything to me and neither can I to him. Jesus has continued to be our corner stone and then out of the blue a friend calls and they are a breath of fresh air, a just-in-time blessing because they understand the situation so well and can finish our sentences.
Do we get attracted to other people? Of course! It’s what you do with it that makes all the difference. Intimacy? It can be a trick especially after kids – exhaustion, too many demands from every corner, monotony, life!!! But like the marriage, you work at it.
10 years on, the love continues to marinate.
Because He lives we can handle tomorrow.
1997-1999. 2 awesome years of waiting on the mail man, secretly praying that when I checked the mail book at the KPC reception I would see my name or that the Maria would say “Hi Mary, you’ve got mail”.
1999-2000. A brilliant mind invented Internet and my troubles matured to Eudora, inventing a yahoo email address and typing a message finger by slow finger like I was bursting bubbles with each key; Finding an internet café or tracking down Koma at the MUK computer lab and then queuing for the one PC that everyone wanted to use. Oh! How my heart would sink when I saw “No unread messages”.
So the virtual relationship lasted 3 years. In the 4th year we wed. I said my vows eagerly – I was marrying my best friend. We enjoyed 2 years of blissful companion ship before Mich showed up, then life changed. There was a lot more on my plate – a baby who depended on me, a husband who felt threatened by this little bundle of “selfishness”; church ministry took a back sit, keeping friendships and a career became immense hard work . A whole new world!
My waist line got erased and kilos crept on with relatives and friends. With all the exhaustion and frustration came misunderstandings, arguments and stress. Do we still love each other? Are we growing apart? Was this love thing for real? The commitment to talking things through, facing the nasty things about one’s self, owning up for mistakes, understanding that we are both not perfect and struggling to keep Jesus in the picture helps us through the rough patches.
7 years later Amani made her grand entry.
Family comes first; working after hours is not encouraged. Ask questions, read between the lines. Spend time together, you’ll argue more, rub each other the wrong way more but in the process you’ll understand each other better.
Never underestimate backgrounds, childhood experiences and family traditions. For a while I thought Sam came from the craziest family ever and he thought my family had lost it. It was as though we were the only two sane survivors from either side but we didn’t totally escape. Just like a person who passes through smoke comes away with a whiff, we each had our family scents. One quick example; My dad always bought groceries, he came home with chicken, bread, sugar, snacks, bananas e.t.c No, he was not given a shopping list and no, it was not expected of him, but each time we were all pleasantly surprised. On the other hand Sam’s mom did all the shopping without any exceptions. So you can imagine my chaos and speechlessnessssssss when he would come home empty handed after passing a supermarket. Expectations, assumptions, very key. The more time I spent with his family the more I understood the “whys” and the “where for’s” and he likewise, but I advise that you spend the time in small doses, an over doze in a short period can be fatal.
Our roles have been defined along the way. He is disciplined with money, so he handles the family finances. I love to eat so the kitchen is my territory.
We celebrate each other’s victories; Job promotions, recognitions, opportunities, successes. We have had the opportunity to suffer loss too. When Sam lost his job a few years ago it was a crisis. He needed encouragement, reassurance and space. I never saw him more vulnerable and partly I didn’t understand it, so at times I wasn’t sure how to handle him, so I took him to The Cross and prayed that some guy would reach out to him so they could speak the same language. A year or two before that I lost two handsome little boys and devastated can hardly describe my state at the time. Sam couldn’t quite fill the void or soothe the hurt so I run to The Cross. Along the way we have realized that he can’t be everything to me and neither can I to him. Jesus has continued to be our corner stone and then out of the blue a friend calls and they are a breath of fresh air, a just-in-time blessing because they understand the situation so well and can finish our sentences.
Do we get attracted to other people? Of course! It’s what you do with it that makes all the difference. Intimacy? It can be a trick especially after kids – exhaustion, too many demands from every corner, monotony, life!!! But like the marriage, you work at it.
10 years on, the love continues to marinate.
Because He lives we can handle tomorrow.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Total Eclipse 2024
Total eclipse shot in Pennsylvania. Photo by Mary Ongwen You guys, this eclipse thing exhausted my head. It was in every second article on m...
-
In memory of A.D Ssozi the former headmaster of Kitante Primary School who breathed his last on March 19th 2014 at 5:45pm in Texas. He w... -
When I have time to twiddle my fingers my mind goes into flash back mode--to my childhood. These particular memories get tickled when I have... -
Petticoats! Remember them? If you landed on this planet after the 90's you'll probably wonder what I refer to and no! it is not som...