A Quarter Century and Counting

Twenty-five years of friendship, faith, growth, and God's grace.

This June, Sam and I celebrate our 25th wedding anniversary. We also celebrate his birthday and mine a little later this month. Look what God has done!

I can't believe it's been 25 years. It feels as though the years have flown by—perhaps that's what happens when you're having fun.

It's been a piece of cake—rich and delicious. It's also been a mountain (and we're still climbing it): with uphill climbs, slippery slopes, rugged edges, and plateaus with green pastures and quiet ponds. The challenges have been great, but our friendship and our union under God have been greater. We have won many battles, and we have lost a few as well. We've spent countless hours getting to know each other. Knowing another person never truly ends because people are constantly evolving. Mary at 22 was different from Mary at 33, who was different from Mary at 44, and so on.

Mary today has a whole new perspective on life. Experiences and realities that were once mysteries have been explored, and yet there is still so much more to discover. One thing that keeps us going is our commitment to riding the waves together—watching for the changes in each other's "temperature," anticipating reactions, learning each other's rhythms, and choosing to stay.

Sometimes I'm the mad bull, tossing and kicking, but Sam has learned to keep his grip—to find solid footing and never let go. When I finally calm down, I'm grateful he's still there, slightly battered but wearing a reassuring smile that says, I'm here for it all. And that settles my heart.

He also knows when to step back, giving me the space to breathe and have my moments. Ultimately, it's God who holds us together. He molds our hearts, orchestrates circumstances, and brings people into our lives. All of these shifting chess pieces keep the game moving forward.

I am excited. I am blessed. I am grateful that we have each other. And I am thankful that we have God—the Author and Finisher of our faith.

Uganda Presidential Elections: May God Uphold Thee.

Ugandan flag infront of Washington National Cathedral

 

“Sex is Undefeated”

Nice post title to start the year no? 

But seriously, a sports commentator made this remark on a TV station. 

He said, "Sex is undefeated" I thought, “Yo! Mary, best keep scrolling, nothing to see here.” 

But no! I stopped. 

It is essential to understand such statements, no? That way you know how to navigate.

The commentator referred to a University sports coach who had an affair with one of his junior staff. He said the coach had a young family, earned a whole lot of money but yeah, he risked it all. 

From out here it appears the affair meant more to the coach than his family or his reputation. That the affair meant more to King David with Bathsheba than a country at war, to Samson with Delilah than God’s anointing and purpose for his life. 

So yeah! Sex is undefeated. I will leave that there. 

Sorry to disappoint you but I am not an expert in the matters of attraction. 

I wonder though why sex within the confines of marriage seems less dramatic. I mean, why is it more alluring outside the home, in another home. People are willing to risk the skin off their backs, willing to risk life. It becomes the reason to leave, to live, to face another day on the frontlines—to die. 

Do the riskers bring home the prize? Do they show us the scars and say, “See? It was a mean fight but I’m glad. Look what progress we have made towards a happier, healthier, wealthier society. See the gold. 

What is the strategy? Is there a strategy?

King David: “Man! Let me explain. You see, if Uriah had just gone home, he would still be here.” 

Samson: “Yo! That was a crazy move with Delilah—she blew my mind, I mean my hair. But lean my hands against the pillars and I will make amends.” 

Where are the stories of contentment? Have people come back to say, “Dude! It was the best decision of my life. I am most fulfilled with this gift that keeps on giving.” 

No! Don’t tell me. I’m not interested in the answers. It’s a rhetorical question.

On the eve of 2025 I went dancing, I stepped out of the dance hall and decided I would not repeat such a waste of time and money—best to stay warm and comfortable in my home.

This New Year’s Eve we were at the dinner table. My son mentioned that one of his classmates divorced, she was around 19 or 20 at the time. We internalized the event. Somehow it led to us talking about how his father and I met. 

I never yapped so much as I did that evening, talking about my dating life. Certain details emerged from archived boxes of my mind that even my husband was like, “Wait! What?” And I tell you I wasn’t drinking anything. But also, for a moment there I levitated, hovered over the table. I studied my husband—this tall, light skinned man from Eastern-Western Uganda. I asked myself how I made this decision. What did I like about him then? What do I like about him now? Is it a conscious decision to stay married or am I coasting? What was I looking for in a man at 21? What did I know about men?

Husbands love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her—this is death. Wives submit to your husbands, as to the Lord—this too is death. 

God needs to explain some of these things because there is a whole lot of dying in marriage, in relationships. 

But you see, it is also a chicken and egg situation, a rose with thorns predicament. The thing is, woman is amazing. She is appealing to the eye and the heart—that face, those curves, that smooth skin. Mmm! Woman is divine. That color contrast spurs a trans-like reaction, it makes some men go to war, to give up their last comfort. Well, then they realize she is an angel but with human qualities. And yet, like the Israelites in the desert, men soon forget the hard life in Egypt and long to go back. God made woman attractive, her allure is undeniable, natural. Her heart, spirit and mind are a wonderful garden. A woman who is spiritually, mentally, emotionally, and physically healthy is unmatched. She makes the corners of our lips rise to meet our ears—even in the heat of life.

For a man to be successful he must focus—harness the energy and vision in his heart and direct it for good, for God, otherwise…problems. 

As you can see, I don’t come with answers, just to acknowledge that life is a trap. 

King Solomon said in Proverbs 30: 21 - 23

21 “Under three things the earth trembles, under four it cannot bear up:

22 a servant who becomes king, a godless fool who gets plenty to eat,

23 a contemptible woman who gets married, and a servant who displaces her mistress.

Sex remains undefeated.