Still here

4am on the 14 of July (my official due date) and for some reason I can’t sleep. I kept tossing and turning and then lying very still wondering if that was a contraction. I gave up on pretending to sleep, made a cup of tea and surfed the net. The internet seems to understand me better than my doctor who needs to attend some communication classes.


So, it has been 2 weeks since my cerclage was removed and the show just hasn’t begun. There have been previews (mild contractions) but no real action. I’m short of saying am anxious. So I go to see Dr. Alex and all he asks is when we should schedule the c-section. Is there any good reason I need to go under the knife just yet? He doesn’t say. I want to know if I have started dilating but no, he won’t even do a physical exam, just checks if my pressure is good and touches my belly to gauge how far down baby has come. When I try to probe him further, he smiles and gives me this look of “I know what I am about and I have done what I need to do, now scurry along”. At the end of it all, he says if I haven’t started labor by the 21st, it’s a c-section for sure. This is when I run to my creator and ask Him to make my body function the way it should. He knows my physiology better than any doctor or scan machine can, so I ask Him to make things work.

The days have been long; I hear the clock ticking away – seconds, minutes, hours, days, weeks. Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad to be full term, grateful that God has helped my body hold up to the end but eish!!! It’s hard not to be antsy. I’m continuously soaking my mind in Philippians 4:6-7

Do not be anxious for anything, but in everything by prayer and petition with thanksgiving, make your requests known to God. And the peace that surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.

Just when I’m getting to the point of rest, I receive calls from my concerned friends wondering if I forgot to let them know the big news. I’m tempted to set up voice mail-

“Hello, thanks for calling. Uh, no I haven’t given birth yet, don’t worry I will let you know when baby comes. Otherwise am good, just remember, don’t call me – I will call you”.

Checking on me is all good. I love the genuine respectful calls, the problem is people who sound more anxious and tired of me being pregnant than I am. The ones who from the time I was 7 months kept asking how come I hadn’t given birth yet – Not helpful at all.

It was nice to open my mail this morning and find this message.

"You can do this - I know it
Hey, you. Yep, you. The one feeling a little weary.
Carrying that load. Fighting this battle.
You're amazing, you know that? It's true.
And you can do this with Him. I know it. I feel it. Keep going.


It feels like your strength is small. But it's not. It's BIG.
World changing big.
Make-it-over-that-mountain big.
Big enough to do what you need to do.


Because your strength is as big as the GOD in you.
I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.
Philippians 4:13


He sees you, loves you, will carry you through... and I'm cheering for you too."

UNSTITCHED

I saw Dr. Alex on Monday. He invited me in, asked me to lie down and as I shut my eyelids tight-tight, occasionally peeping to see what was going on, ready for the worst pain of my life, he said he was done.
That’s it? The stitches are out? OK!

He asked me to report back in 2 weeks incase labor hadn’t kicked in.

Like I said before, I was not sure what to expect. Would I go into labor the minute the stitches were removed? As soon as I walked out the door? In the car? Would we have to dash right back as soon as we got home?

Well, none of the above ensued. I’m still here, walking around like before. The stomach contractions (Braxton Hicks) are on and off. For a while there I was anxious, listening and feeling for anything unusual.
I have decided to relax, am certain that if real labor sets in I will know for sure. The baby is dropping steadily, I look like I swallowed the world cup ball – speaking of which, pole Ghana! You did your best but football is like that – madness!

In other news, Mich presented me with the most beautiful assortment of flowers this morning.

In case of any news I will keep you posted, now back to the studio.

The death of a praying mantis

Today a praying mantis died. It got into a fight with a butterfly, the butterfly over powered it and killed it. There was sadness in Mich’s heart; today will be imprinted in his memory for a long time. He found the mantis a few days ago and kept it in a tin on the shelf. He checked on it every other day and exclaimed how the little creature was growing. Just how the butterfly came into contact with the mantis is still a mystery but that is the story and we will stick to it.


Mich buried the praying mantis and took the butterfly captive into his tin.
This is the grave.

The tomb stone is a little fragile so we can’t keep it out there but this is what is written; I will decode it for those of you …

"praying mantis and Mich
matis died on sunday 27th June 2010
Butterfly killed it"
One is easily tempted to brush off his acts as childish, but I’m reminded to tread carefully, play along. It is an opportunity to understand him better, see his reactions to situations and gauge his temperament and interests. On the other hand without reading too seriously into things, just have fun.

I had to stop him from lighting a fire to protect the grave site.

Not yet

I went for my scheduled appointment last Monday ready to have the stitches removed but Dr. Alex decided against it. He said I should give it 2 more weeks. He thinks baby is still small and not quite ready to see the world. I was disappointed. I really wanted the stitches out so that I could go on my way without worrying about what would happen if labor started and they were still in. I thought I would have a better chance of a natural delivery if the baby was small plus I didn’t think I would have the baby immediately anyway. But the doctor knows better and now, I’m good with it. I prayed about it, I know God will work things out beautifully.


Sitting home makes the hours tick by really slow, but it is nice to sleep in. My bags are packed and I’m looking forward to this new chapter in our lives. This period allows me time to pray over the baby, over the delivery, and life thereafter, for quick healing, for energy, for good health and so on.

Mich stays a few more hours at school to get some help with his writing. Apparently writing makes him really miserable. When I spoke with his teacher she said, he is quick to grasp what is taught, happily answers questions, but the writing sessions are torture. She was pleasantly surprised that he passed his exams so well. This weighed me down for a while but after I prayed about it, the burden was lifted. I have to keep in mind that he is an individual with strengths and weaknesses. (Even though I can’t recall having choices when I was a kid; we all did everything without ifs, ands or buts). He is easily excited by outdoor activities, he will catch insects and name the parts, plant seeds and watch them grow but please don’t ask him to draw or write sentences. If everything at school was play and orals he would be top of the class, unfortunately life is not a straight line. He has to embrace everything before he can narrow down and he has a long way to go. Tuesday was sports day at school and he won a medal for coming 3rd in the 3 legged race. I am really proud of him.

In the mean time I enjoy my birthday today and thank God, another year is here and I am excited about what He has in store for me.

Happy Father's day

HOW?

How does he become a Man
Without a Man to show him how?

How does he become a father
Without a Father to show him how?

In school? - By the intellectuals?
On the streets? - By the seasoned?
In the bar? - By those who see double?

How?

They call Him Abba
Father to the Fatherless
He will show you how

Mjay

Been chilling

35 weeks today, woo hoo!

And what have I been upto? you may ask. Well, I have been partying: had a 3 day office retreat in the beautiful Lake Victoria Serena hotel - just off Entebbe road. Celebrated Sam's birthday and our 9th anniversary- went to the movies, then took a boat ride the next day to Buwunga and spent the day with MTN friends. Hosted family to lunch and tea at home and now am just chilling. My work contract is up, hopefully it will be renewed in the next financial year - July ..., in the mean time I will prepare for the debut of our little bundle of joy.
My comfy room at Lake Victoria Serena Hotel

A nice view
Team building

Tree house in the distance

Buwunga sunset.

I'm feeling good! Still have lots of energy, actually sitting home is cramping my style. I would have loved to work till the last day. I have put on quite a few pounds. Even on a healthy food, the weight piles on like I'm on a junk diet. I look forward to shedding this weight or rather it dropping off. I miss drinking soda, wine and eating french fries, cakes, doughnuts ... that is not to say I haven't fallen off the wagon from time to time but I have endevoured to steer clear for the most part. I must confess that I have been guilty of taking coffee lately, that aroma is irresistable.

Next week the stitches will be removed. I don't know what to expect from then on. When I asked the doctor if I would have to be on bed rest, he found my question funny. So, apparently not, life continues and we wait for the signs which should come sooner or later.

I'm excited! Looking forward to this baby. I wonder what he/she looks like - a whole new person is coming into the world, unique in everyway - that is exciting. It feels like being a mother for the first time - 6 years since I had a baby. I pray it all comes back to me.

Love is serious business

It was while at a friend’s wedding recently that I was reminded of the beauty and seriousness of the vows I made to Mr. O almost 9 years ago. At 24 I was rosy eyed and love stricken, this was the man I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. What that entailed? – I had no clue. Even with all the counseling, the excitement of walking down the aisle and sharing house with my boyfriend got the better of me. Now, almost 9 years later, sitting in the congregation and listening to Flavia saying her vows, set me nodding like a puppet on strings, like I was having a eureka moment.

In marriage, not only do you become one in body, “You become one in thoughts, dreams and aspirations”. It’s the melting and molding of two separate individuals into one – the surrender, sacrifice and selflessness, the encouragement, rebuke and protection that make everything real and hard at times. As time inches forward, our faults and failures are magnified. You get your cute little head out of the clouds and trek the ground with all its rocks, sand, paddles, potholes and parties. Purpose to trek together, support one another and be there for each other no matter the situation. There is an indescribable bond and purpose to life when you work as a team. You have more confidence to face life’s curve balls because you know your back is covered.

The rings are made of earths most precious materials signifying heavens most precious virtue – Love. So, the priceless question is, What is love? Is it the ooey, gooey, mushy, washy, starry-eyed feeling that makes your heart go giddy up?
Well, here is another angle:

If I speak with human eloquence and angelic ecstasy but don't love, I'm nothing but the creaking of a rusty gate.
Love never gives up.
Love cares more for others than for self.
Love doesn't want what it doesn't have.
Love doesn't strut,

Doesn't have a swelled head,
Doesn't force itself on others,

Isn't always "me first,"

Doesn't fly off the handle,
Doesn't keep score of the sins of others,
Doesn't revel when others grovel,
Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,

Puts up with anything,
Trusts God always,
Always looks for the best,
Never looks back,
But keeps going to the end.

LOVE NEVER DIES.

Love is a commitment not a feeling. It puts up with anything – beat that!

I can’t snap my fingers and say, “That’s it! I’ve had enough of your adulterous, porn addict, nagging, filthy ways!” You choose to love me even when I’m a disrespectful, stubborn, unsupportive, uncommunicative partner.

There is heavenly freedom and joy in knowing that no matter what I do, you are there, you care. Just the knowledge that you’re accepted is a motivation to be a better person. There is salvation and not condemnation.

We promise to be together “in sickness and in health” but how one’s stomach falls when a partner is diagnosed with a terminal illness – it’s scary. It’s near impossible to shake off the anguish when a child dies or is sickly. The flurry of emotions either strengthens or tears the marriage. The dangerous blame game pours salt in the juice; my children are not as brilliant because of your genes, now they stand a risk of inheriting this disease, I could have had a child of the other sex … As if to say, this was not part of the deal, I expected you to be perfect. Acknowledge the feelings of frustration and accept your partner with the knowledge that certain things are not planned.

Can we Love unconditionally? Not without God’s help we can’t.

As partners, our primary role is to help each other blossom and live up to our full potential. We are accountable to God. At the end of the day you will present you partner before God and He will ask to see how much of a better person you made them.

The world would be a different place if we didn’t give up on each other, didn’t strut or fly off the handle, took pleasure in the truth, always looked for the best, trusted God always…

It’s that serious and that fulfilling.