Great men worth my tears on Father's day

Dwight D. Eisenhower once said, "No man is worth your tears, but once you find one that is, he wont make you cry". I disagree.  

Last Saturday as I listened to an NPR program commemorating fathers day I felt the sudden urge to bawl over, I cleared my throat but couldn't hold back the tears. Even though the stories shared were different from mine the themes of strength, commitment, devotion, hard work, sacrifice, wisdom, guidance, truth and protection connected us across the airwaves. I was reminded of some of the men who have influenced my life; my husband, my father, my grand father and my grand father in-law (does such a title exist?).

Each morning I see the urgency and commitment in a father's eyes as he dresses his daughter. He picks clothes that match, and smiles with pride when her hair is tidy because he doesn't know the first thing about girls hair. He would if he knew how. I see the concern in his eyes and hear the strength in his voice as he cautions his son. I sense his wish to live life on his son's behalf - to make the right decisions, to show him how to listen and follow instructions so his path is straight. If life lessons could be sipped through a cup, if the values of hard work, discipline, consistency and a relationship with God could be eaten up like a piece of cake he would bake it. He probes, he answers questions, he reads chapter long stories each night and prays even gets a soft stomach as he watches a young man emerge from the cocoon of a bedroom where he tends to hibernate for hours. A young man who questions, challenges and pushes back at his family and the world. There is a desperation and a prayer "Oh God help me do this right". As I watch how would these tears not flow?

I think of my father, with all his failures and faults, his mistakes and errors. I think of his frailty now over 70 years later and recall the strong, bold, tower that he was in his youth.
Not a single memory of school milestones come to mind without his shadow right there. The drive to nursery school each morning and the moments he stopped to talk with the headmistress Ms. Ampaire. The Primary 1 interview at Kitante Primary School with Ms. Mugerwa, he waited outside. The class days he attended without fail. My first day in boarding school and each consecutive term that followed for four years. His effort to get school fees in times of financial hardship.
I am the last of six children - those are many years of commitment considering that there is a 10 year age difference between the first and last child. How would these tears not flow?

Grandpa made me laugh so hard my stomach ached, I was out of breath, my eyes wet with tears. As I think back what he said was not that funny but he knew how to engage a 5 year old and that's all that mattered. He told stories of his days in the army, of the military training in Tanzania and how it made him more resilient and how he got the swoosh on his forehead from a bullet that narrowly missed his skull. He was funny - I guess that's what grandpas are for. So tell me, how would these tears not flow?

I thought I had received all the grandpa love I could get until I met my husbands grandpa. He was larger than life - 6 foot 3 inches, full of love and compassion. Rev. Canon Ernest Nshakira. There are 3 vivid events that encompass what he meant to me.
Our first encounter - I was nervous, not sure what he would make of this atesot interested in his grand son. He enveloped me in a bear hug and said welcome. "Like tea is better with sugar and cream, so is a marriage of people from different cultures" I paraphrase, but right there and then, I knew I had received his blessing. In his eyes we were all the same, no Jew or gentiles, no slave or free, no Baganda, Luo, Iteso or Bakiga, we were all beautiful people loved by God.
He gathered his grandchildren around him in Kabale and opened his favorite scripture to recount how blessed he was: Psalm 127: 3-6

Children are a heritage from the Lord,
    offspring a reward from him.
Like arrows in the hands of a warrior
    are children born in one’s youth.
Blessed is the man
    whose quiver is full of them.
They will not be put to shame
    when they contend with their opponents in court.

He was a pillar of faith, of trust, of humility. A man who hid God's word in his heart.

After being hospitalized in Nsambya he yearned to return to the village, "I miss my wife. I want to see her face and spend time with her". After 50 years of marriage if that is not love, I don't know what is.

Through these men I know what it means to be loved, secure, encouraged, led and sorted. No single man can be all things but God stations his men at different stages in our lives to give us a glimpse of His character.
I celebrate fathers who are here and those who have gone before. The men who have filled in the gap, who have been there for children both young and old.

Even the men that are worth our tears can make us cry but they are tears of gratitude.

Happy Father's Day and Thank you!

CNN International Publishes A Photo I took From the Air

Sometimes the maalo (primitive curiosity) of sitting in an aeroplane and peering at the world with wide eyed wonder can lead to double joy. First, the joy of the experience and second the joy of sharing the experience. Woke up to this cute little tweet from CNN international:

Took this on my way back to the U.S from Vietnam. I had a 4 hour lay over at Narita Tokyo airport. I knew I would not visit the city so I made the most of it in the air. I'm glad I get to share it with the world. 

The Wedding Invitation 50 Years Later.

How can we say thanks for the things you have done
Things so undeserved, yet you gave to prove your love for us
The voices of a million angels could not express our gratitude
All that we are and ever hope to be, yeah
We owe it all right now to thee

To God be the glory
To God be the glory
To God be the glory
For the things He has done.

Happy 50th Anniversary Mummy and Daddy! We've seen the ups and the downs and the in between's. Through it all you continue to say yes "I do".

Celebrate Spring

I walked out this morning to the sound of a bird tweeting with all its might. I looked up and there it was – a cardinal right at the top of the branch. Its rich red feathers and black mask were a beautiful contrast with the green leaves.

It’s a new day – the birds are eager, the flowers are eager to bud. It’s spring!

A Call for International Hair Day

When she was a baby I kept her hair short. The hussle of plaiting a squirmy little girls hair was more than I could handle at the time. The less the maintenance the better. Then we relocated. She grew older and slowly the idea of short hair wasn't appealing anymore. I yielded and started plaiting little toots. Her hair grew. Imagine her shock and surprise when we washed it and it shrunk.

She looked in the mirror.

"Mummy?"

"Yes"

"Why is my hair going in circles?"

I thought, oh oh!

"Well, that is what happens to our hair when we wash it. It shrinks"

She looked puzzled. It was the strangest thing ever. 

You see, my little girl thinks we are a mirror of the people around us.That we all look the same - especially the little people she spends time with. How ever things get a little complicated when the fine toothed comb does not move as easily through her hair as she thinks it should. Reality check! Culture shock!   

Now mummy has to explain things that would not be issues in Kampala. I remember my friend Ama's experience at the barbers and how it led her to write "Sunne's gift".

Like waves erase foot prints on the shore, my little girl soon forgets and assumes her hair is the same as that which she sees.

"Mummy, make it go up like this and like this"

I look at her and my face cracks into a smile. I resist the temptation to say "girl, that is how our hair bes". 

She says "leave it open" and in her little mind, it is now flowing down to her back well, until she looks into the mirror again and it's gloriously standing strait up and singing alleluya.

I tell her it's beautiful. I tell her it's perfect just the way God made it. That she's fearfully and wonderfully made - unique and special in every way.

One day I un-braided my hair and washed it - naturally it shrunk. She would not come near me. Little miss who is generous with hugs was reserved this time. She would not let her head touch mine. We talked about hair again.

And that is why we need International Hair Day, so that humans of the world can rock what God gave them with out fear or favor and in the process understand and celebrate their differences - long, short, straight, kinky, steel wire, kaweke, GQ all of them.
Here is to International Hair Day! oh yes and to African mama's living in "outside countries".

Little Bear Goes to Work

The Gay Agenda - What Would Jesus Do?

The elephant in the room; - a metaphorical idiom that refers to an obvious truth that is being avoided. That truth for me was the gay and lesbian agenda. I hoped I could wish it away but it grew and slowly squashed me into a corner. I was challenged to rethink my position. I tripped, stumbled and learned the importance of being politically correct in conversations. The sensitivity around the topic was like the growl of a wounded cat before its claws emerge. Activists and proponents were ready to snuff out any fire that did not warm the “right ideas”. I began to question whether there was room for free speech- room to hold my view and not be coerced or challenged for it. It seemed either I believed in the cause or I didn’t believe at all. I wanted to agree to disagree and have that space respected.

Once I had to slowly retrace my steps after I walked into a colleague’s office and caught sight of the portrait on her shelf. Two ladies dressed in wedding gowns. All over a sudden I was alert, I looked around in case I had missed other clues. You see, not only am I old school but usually I imagine someone else telling these stories. I'm a conservative Ugandan woman who avoids controversial topics like the plague. This issue that had once been somewhere out there stared me in the face and I couldn’t run. I purposed to leave the things that people do in their private space and to relate with them as colleagues and friends unless of course the opportunity presented itself for conversation. I hoped not – I preferred not. I figured I was home scot-free if I didn’t talk about it and it was not mentioned well, until another colleague placed the topic on the table.

I engaged in the discussion best I could although I got animated too. Issues surrounding my faith wind me up like that. I said it is man and woman that is God's design, He will not have it any other way. We argued for weeks on end, just could not get enough of the subject. My views were ultimately hinged on my faith and my upbringing. He thought I was narrow minded and offered to give me a tour – meet the people and attend gatherings that sort of thing. A kind of introduction to portray its harmlessness;-“It’s ok as long as no one is hurt”; “two consenting adults = no one else’s business”. I squirmed in my sit, this was an uncomfortable experience but one thing I have learned about God is He doesn't take well to comfort zones. I realized this situation was bigger than me and my comforts, so I indulged and asked..."What Would Jesus Do?"

This question swarmed my mind until I had a eureka moment. I found the answer in three little words “FEED MY SHEEP” John 21:17. Jesus fed His sheep and asked us to do the same no if’s and’s or but’s. Oswald Chambers puts it quite nicely in “My utmost for His Highest”. He says “Jesus has some extraordinarily peculiar sheep: some that are unkempt and dirty, some that are awkward or pushy, and some that have gone astray! But it is impossible to exhaust God’s love, and it is impossible to exhaust my love if it flows from the Spirit of God within me. The love of God pays no attention to my prejudices caused by my natural individuality. If I love my Lord, I have no business being guided by natural emotions— I have to feed His sheep. We will not be delivered or released from His commission to us. Beware of counterfeiting the love of God by following your own natural human emotions, sympathies, or understandings. That will only serve to revile and abuse the true love of God.”

That brought me to 1 Corinthians 13:4 –8:

^“4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. ⁵ It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. ⁶ Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. ⁷ It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. ⁸ Love never fails.”

It means don’t make fun of, don’t ridicule. It means grace abounds above and beyond. Jesus is the shepherd and he loves ALL His sheep. When He asked for them to be fed, He meant all of them.

The case was closed.

* We can't change people. Only God can.
* Let the truth of the Word of God shape your thoughts and actions. We either accept the truth or compromise it to suit our purpose. The truth leaves consequences to God compromise leaves consequences with man. 

* Jesus was all about people - He loved them all: Judas Iscariot, Doubting Thomas, lying Peter, Mary Magdalene, the woman at the well, the woman caught in adultery and me. 

We all have issues but He sticks with us. 

When they grumbled or fell shot He rebuked them in love - never accusatory. 

So now I'm here facing this elephant who seems to shrink each passing day I don't know if it’s because I'm getting used to its presence or that I understand my stand better. 

One thing I know is, it’s not my job to fix but to love and feed the sheep. 

Love means acceptance not perfection. 

Love keeps no record of wrong it means each day I see you afresh, with new eyes not for your behavior but the human being that you are. God is perfectly capable of handling the rest of the business.