Hot cross buns!

Well not exactly, but don't they look YUMMMY?

I was so excited when I pulled these out of the oven. I was so proud of myself – I baked bread!
Some of you chefs are thinking "duh!!" But I've got reason to celebrate; a) the buns taste delicious b) the kitchen is not exactly my preffered place of choice c) and most importantly, baking buns used to be a family tradition.
Mum baked bread when I was a kid. We never spent money on bread because there was always home baked bread. The whiff of yeast and flour would fill the house and when the buns were ready mmm mmm! they smelled super delicious. She would glaze them over with some blue band to make them shine and voila!! (big sigh)
Special memories!

On this day 12/27/11, I was able to relive those memories - over 15 years later (that was the last time I baked bread).

You rock mum!!
Thank you for teaching me and giving me the book of recipes. It’s old and falling apart but it works wonders still.

Happy New Year!

Blessings abound and "Santa" came early

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to Him and He will make your paths straight” Proverbs 3:5 – 6

The Message puts it this way: - Trust God from the bottom of your heart; don't try to figure out everything on your own.
Listen for God's voice in everything you do, everywhere you go; he's the one who will keep you on track.
God continues to brim our cup over. On our journey so far, He has made the paths straight and our feet have fallen in good places.

Lost, alone and frightened on the highway

My second stint behind the wheel in this wonderful country had me helplessly lost on the highway, in a stalled car(out of gas/fuel), facing 40 degree temperatures, with a phone out of battery charge at 3:00 am in the morning. I prayed desperately. I sat there bewildered with God as my only hope but even He seemed to have forsaken me (or so I thought). A few cars whizzed past with such energy and speed, I could feel the car shake.

Zooming in

Today I will zoom in on what’s been cooking in my neck of the woods.
God has been good! But then again, what’s new with that? – It’s His nature.
It’s just over 3 months since we relocated to the US and look what He has done.

In sickness.

I'm uncertain of how to say it so I have put it all here and for once I give you a job - sort it out, I hope you walk away with something to muse on.

Dad told us during one of those famous family meetings that marriage was an incredibly difficult institution. He said it with a pained look that I will always remember, as though he was spitting nails. I freaked out! There was something about his facial expression that made those words ring. Something about the way he said it made me think there were events in marriage he couldn’t sufficiently dilute into words for us. Oh! But I was just a little girl, my mind couldn’t wrap around extremely intense matters. I thought, “If you and mom handled it this well, then what’s to fear?” When the day rolled around, I vowed to respect my husband; To honor and love him through sickness, holocaust, hurricane and what not. I was going to face the world with my bestest friend. There was one slight problem though, I didn’t fully grasp the concept of “sickness”. It floated like an imaginary balloon. Now, through the years, it has become a reality – sickness will visit your marriage literally and figuratively.

Miss Delight

She’s a DELIGHT - my Amani!
In all of 16 months on this planet, she’s garnered more nick names than I have had my entire life; Ama, Baby girl, Bubbles, Juju (say it fast, as if you are stammering to say juice). “Juju” rules courtesy of big brother Mich. He tells us it means cute in her language.
She communicates with sentences too complex for me to decipher but her brother assures us that he knows her codes, so I worry not.

I. You. We – This is our life line.

 This box rules my life.

I’m hooked, it’s hooked; on my belt, attached to my head, in my hand, my pocket, my bag - We are one!

I hate sleep! I get insomniac anxiety - the unbearable separation for hours.

I keep it under my pillow, next to my bed. I reach for it before I say “good morning!” and after I say “good night!”

All the singlemarried ladies!

Once upon a time, when my mind brimmed over with naivety, I assumed marriage was an institution for old folk.
Time inched forward (like it always does) and brides and grooms adopted faces of people I knew. They were not contemporaries per se but people I related with. Suddenly I felt the urge to walk … away; I preferred them at a calculated distance. They complicated life. We were cautioned to steer clear of married men, innocent friendships were suspect. Wives huffed and puffed when younger girls engaged in conversations with their husbands, cordial relations ended on that note. It was a zone to tread carefully, if at all.

Balding

 You look into the mirror and notice the receding line, oh my gooness!
Maybe the action starts in the middle, like a smooth iceberg slowly emerging from the water – your hair is thinning, now what?

Job Search 101

We resigned our jobs in Kampala to come to America. For a couple with 2 children, it sounds coo coo! Especially considering the sick economy. But alas this is our story. Well, the economy is still under the weather with bouts of wellness in a few places. How is that for a walk of faith?

Halloween trials.

It’s Halloween torment in the Ongwen household. I’m having sleepless nights with Mich literally pestering me for a Halloween costume. I wish he would forget about it but no,there are calls from eve ry corner – the stores are filled with Halloween costumes, it's all over school, TV doesn’t spare us either, the neighborhood is covered in cobwebs, spiders,

2 months in America

It’s been 2 months living in the US.
Right now the leaves are beautiful shades of red, orange, green, golden brown, and yellow. Fall is gorgeous!Watching the leaves sway to the ground reminds me of my childhood days when the wind blew the leaves off the trees, they would sprinkle down and  I would run out and try to catch them, it was so much fun.

Martin Luther King Jr. Memorial

Lei Yixin is responsible for this incredible work of art. It's located in the vista between the Lincoln Memorial and the Thomas Jefferson Memorial.
I was elated to visit the site a day after President Obama dedicated it.

What not to say to an expecting mother

Her body is consumed with the details of creating a human being. As we celebrate her, we make careless statements without full awareness of their impact.


“You have put on weight!” She knows and is probably not feeling too thrilled about it. A compliment on how good she looks is welcome but only if you mean it, otherwise just smile and wave.

“You are still pregnant?!” If she wasn’t it would be obvious. She is exhausted, 9 months is a long time you know?! She can’t do much about it and she doesn’t need the added pressure, so be gracious and encourage her along.

“Are you sure you are not having twins?” Simply because she has a specially extended tummy doesn’t mean there are several babies in there, babies sit differently in utero but if indeed she was having twins, whatabout??

“You look like you are about to pop!” You can’t get more unkind. She might be a close friend who lets your jokes fly over but let’s not push it.

Don’t touch her tummy without permission. Pregnant women can be extremely irritable and sensitive and would appreciate the personal space.

So, tread softly.

When it’s all done, do not …

Focus on her flaws. Concentrate on the baby, direct your concern to whether she is healing well.

Tips on how to raise her child are welcome if she asks.

Rat lovers

At 7, boys are curious, discovering the world and the creatures around them.
Mich wants a pet, a creature he can own and look after, it's in his dreams and prayers, Santa Claus is going to have pressure.
Some of the book titles he’s borrowed from the school library include;- “Guinea Pigs”, “Training older dogs”, “Brave Dogs, Gentle Dogs” …
I don't know how to handle this.

His Dad is not a "pet fan", I am, but it depends on what kind of pet. It's not particularly comfortable having frogs and grasshoppers stare at us through plastic bottles placed on the dinning table and I have politely asked Mich to keep them somewhere else. This time I was handed a book on pet rats.

Here are a few excerpts from the book;

Choosing the right rat; These creatures come in more than 20 color variations; black, white, brown, grey, caramel … A healthy rat doesn’t sneeze, wheeze or have diarrhea. Okay!

Making a rat habitat; An aquarium works best. Buy aspen chips and hay to line the bottom of the aquarium, don’t forget rat food pellets, food dishes and a water bottle with a tube – apparently rats get pretty thirsty.

Working on your relationship; When rats are angry or afraid they bite, so play with the rat, make it comfortable and safe.

Cleaning up; Rats are neat freaks, so make sure to clean their little house, that involves removing droppings and stuff.

Exercise; Rats love to run around and are particularly interested in racing, especially towards food.
Tips on how to build a race track, a good rat diet and so on.

At this point I’m thinking, if I read any further I will catapolt into a feat.

Mich nearly mailed this book to grandma because she needs to read up on how to care for rats. She killed a rat the last time he visited her. He was traumatized and reduced to tears at how inrat (my version of inhumane) she was.

Wait a second - Ratatouille, Despereaux, Jerry, Stewart, these are all rats of some kind.

Come to think of it, “Rat race” is not a new phrase either.

Oh my goonness!! There are plenty of rat lovers out there.

What low maintainance, cute pet can get for my boy?

We are NOT getting a rat.

The National Book Festival

Last weekend I attended an amazing event organized by the Library of Congress - The National Book Festival. I was thrilled to be there on two accounts; I love reading and an amazing woman/writer/author/poet/Pulitzer prize winner was going to be there – Tony Morrison. I wanted to listen to her and later have her autograph a copy of her book for me.
The Metro (DC train) is incredibly jammed over the weekends, the connotation of being packed like sardines was quite appropriate. I imagined everyone was heading to the book festival and in fact many were, but many were also visiting museums and historical sites. DC has many attractions and being the Nation’s capital, it seems to draw the world.

I dashed towards the National mall only to find the crowds were already comfortable – as though they had spent the night or something. I was only 5 minutes late for Tony’s talk but her tent was over flowing. I stood at the back; tip toed and cringed my neck to see the lady. She looked just like I thought she would; light skinned with grey locks. She is in her 70’s and still looking great, sounding strong and very informed. Her interviewer kept up to a good pace, asking where she grew up, which schools she attended and why, and how did you end up doing what you do? - the kind of questions anyone would love to ask. The audience was glued to her, almost suffocating as they held on to her every word, they laughed in excitement and listened keenly.

When asked which people had impacted her life the most, she mentioned Angela Davis and Mohammed Ali. Angela who? Ali I knew but Angela Davis? Never heard of her, and just what would Angela and Ali have in common? - Nothing.

Angela Davis is an African American Philosopher and a civil rights activist. Mohamed Ali is the legendary boxer who “floated like a butterfly and stung like a bee”. She was fascinated by his humility and willingness to take instructions from her without questioning.

After the talk, I rushed out to buy her book but everybody was thinking the same thing, by the time I queued, the line was winding for miles like a giant python. The pretty ushers assured us that we would all have our books signed, so we waited patiently. One hour, two hours, the line was moving alright but maybe not fast enough. We kept hope alive, we were going to stand in line no matter what, we were going to meet this amazing woman, she was going to sign our books, shakes our hands and we would never be the same again, perhaps in that handshake we would be transfused with her talent and become the best writers yet. In the third hour it became apparent that some of our wishes wouldn’t be fulfilled, Ms Morison could not sign any more books. The line dispersed. I was disappointed. At least I saw her live, and listened to her speak - I could live with that. I found something to eat and strolled through the other tents. There was so much going on – Family storytelling, contemporary life, children’s authors, poetry and prose, history and biography but as you can imagine only 1 hour to drink it all in. I had to get back home and the bus service is none existent on the weekends, don’t understand why.

As I waited for my ride at the Vienna station, I was approached by a Mormon – never imagined this day would come. He talked about a new prophet called Joseph Smith, who with 12 other disciples wrote the book of Mormons, a somewhat contemporary bible. Why would I need another Prophet and an extra bible? Jesus and the original Bible work just fine for me. It made for an interesting conversation at most. So I’m home, thankful that my mind has been exposed to magical number of authors and genres of writing out there but mostly grateful that I know whom I have believed and I’m persuaded beyond a shadow of doubt.

Have a wonderful week good people.

http://www.mamamich-mjay.blogspot.com/

Luck all the way to IMF and back

The alarm screeched at 5:30am. I scrambled out of bed and dragged myself to the bathroom. I had to be dressed and ready by 6:30am to catch a ride with Patricia to Washington DC. I was going to meet an old friend. Our appointment was scheduled for 11:00 am but such is the price for a free ride.


Since she was running late, Patricia dropped me at the Metro train station and to prove self-sufficient, I said “sure no problem, I’ll find my way from here”. I stepped out of the car and immediately wondered who I was trying to impress, I didn’t recall how the system worked. I adorned the “I know what I’m about” look and walked into the station. The signs got me onto the right footing, when it came to the details, masses of people were walking in every conceivable direction; I couldn’t guess who to follow, so I asked. The lady at inquiries told me to walk to the end of the corridor and turn left. It was 8:30am, my stomach was beginning to tell stories.

In an open area, people were making cups of coffee and picking bites, I couldn’t believe my luck – free breakfast! But no, it turned out that after you picked your goodies, you were expected to pay at the counter. The chances that someone could make a cup of coffee and walk away were very high (but maybe that’s just the sinner in me).

Right opposite this coffee area was a Barnes and Noble store and as usual, books get the better of me. For over 2 hours I was engrossed in scanning through magazines, checking out the latest books, searching for kids literature - I didn’t notice time.

At 10:40am, I couldn’t ignore the next task, I had to find the metro train heading to Farragut West but first I had to buy a ticket. Now, if you know those ticket machines, then you might have inkling on how intimidating they can be. I have seen people stand there like they are watching a cryptic movie, not certain what to do, this day, I was one of them but not for long. As I was just about to start scratching my head, a lady walked up to me and asked if I wanted to buy a ticket. I said yes. She offered hers, saying she was not going to use it and it was valid for 4 more days. She had paid $47 for it and she was happy to sell it to me at $15. I was immediately suspicious, but okumanya I’m a villager, I gave her the benefit of the doubt because she was a muzungu, anti you know fe abbadugavu tuyina history (do I need to repent for that?).

I had only $13 and she was happy to take it. I couldn’t believe my luck, although a part of me was concerned that the card would be rejected. It wasn’t. Actually it was a very good investment because I was able to make several trips on the metro with it. Now because I had to change to the orange metro line, I was a little unsure of myself. As I stepped off the train, a gentleman was helping a guy find his way and as luck would have it, we were headed in the same direction. So I stood at a distance and listened and then walked slowly behind them. When they got onto the next train, I quickly hopped on and gave thanks in my heart.

I got to the IMF headquarters at 11am. As I walked through, I thought about Dominic Strauss Kahn and how he probably walked through these very doors. Wow, sophisticated and guarded from every imaginable angle! While waiting, I received a phone call. The lady asked if it was a good time to talk and I was tempted to say “Sorry, not right now. I’m at the IMF headquarters waiting to see some very important people” but my cordial spirit took over and I said “Sure, now is as good a time as any!”

I’m glad I did, it was a hiring firm inviting me for an interview - that will be conversation for another day.

Julius, it was fun catching up on the past, present and future.

Metaphorically speaking

3 years ago God gave me a song, but not the stage to sing it on.
It said “You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains” - I was slipping further into the valley.
It said “You raise me up to walk on stormy seas” - I was drowning.
It said “You raise me up to more than I can be” that’s when I asked, “But God, what do you mean?”

Silence!
I figured I had misheard Him. I tucked the song away but each time I heard it play, it drew me to a familiar place. He was God anyway and I had no business creating a stage or selling tickets for my show.

Has God given you specifics but the details of your life are easily comparable to catching a cloud or sand sifting through your grip? Well that’s not new, been there. I have learned that our God is too big to fathom, His ways are way, way, up there and you and me are down below. He knows the end from the beginning and everything in between.

Keep walking, keep praying, keep trusting and you will be amazed at what God is doing. May be not now, actually many times, not now, but in Time, it will be made beautiful. Blessed are those who are patient for they will develop Character and Discipline and Self control. In case you haven’t realized, your life is not about you – tough huh?! Well, that fact becomes more palatable when you get with the program.

Three years down the road, I’m beginning to see how the lyrics of that song are playing out in my life. I stand in awe. I confess too that I had gone off on a tangent, when I first got the song; I imagined how it was all going to play out. I could see the stage, the instrumentalists, the backup team, but oh how off the mark! I look at it now and it’s an orchestra and there is a crowd of witnesses. If and when I take centre stage, I will not need to convince any one listening; they have seen and heard my voice in rehearsal. He makes all things beautiful in His time.

Remain accountable and...

Wait upon the Lord!

Ps. If this message strikes a chord with you, Amen! I just felt compelled to write it. If you have questions I'm happy to answer them too.

Coming up to breath!

So, I have been under, trying to get my bearings. I figure if I don’t come up now, I will be out longer than I would like.
We got here in one piece and I can confidently say Amani is my daughter - a chip off the old block. 5 years ago I hopped on a 17 hour plane ride with my 2 year old son who literally run riot. I was this close to disowning the toddler. I kept asking myself, “who is this kid?, where did he come from?” - he couldn’t sit still and he yelled his lungs out, I reached my wits end and in the same breath concluded those were not my genes.

For this plane ride I was bracing myself, keeping my fingers crossed and stuff. Amani sung, clapped her hands and promptly fell asleep. There were a few moments of discomfort but on the whole she was great! In my haste to make it to the airport and all the other issues that were crowding my mind, I forgot to pack her milk and snacks. Which mother does such crazy things? I’m guilty. But you know, she made it through on the funny meals on the plane, Bless God!
At some point I got into a panic thinking, “oh my gosh! She is going to wake up and scream the plane to the ground, then what will I do?’ But no! she was curious about the clouds and the plane wings. After 17 hours we were still good!
She literally stole the hearts of all the guys that met her, they smiled, carried her and she busked in it, she even attempted to follow one of them. What’s with baby girls and grown men? Her Dad is melting butter around her, it’s amazing. Mich, now 7 years old, was a fantastic big brother, he made sure Amani was entertained, he sat still, put on his seat belt and was glued to the movie screen.

We arrived at Dulles (read dallas) airport in Washington D.C.
It felt special to join the queue of US citizens and permanent residents. Castilo was about to finish his shift and we were the last in line. I presented our sealed envelops and passports to him, he verified the information, took our finger prints and showed us which door to walk through to pick our luggage.
Coming from Africa, it was only natural that we were directed to the queue with those whose luggage needed to be checked (Indians, Mexicans, Asians - get the drift?)- just incase we had brought in grasshoppers or something just as weird.
The mexican lady before us was asked 4 times if she had carried  dried meat and 4 times she denied, her facial expressions implied that a) she had no idea what the officer was talking about and b) what ever it was, she didn't have it. Three officers surrounded her case and begun to ransack it and all they came up with was what looked like tamarind (sour berries/apedur)  - they let her go.
Knowing that I hadn't carried any weird stuff, I said I didn't have anything to declare except my spices - Royco, curry, bla bla. The machine spotted something in my suitcase and the officer was all over me.
'Mom, what do you have in this suit case?"
" urr clothes, shoes ...",
"Mom, I'm going to have to check this case", meanwhile I couldn't for the life of me recall putting in anything out of the ordinary. He finally finds the "things" and asked, what are these?  and I said "Paper bead necklaces"
Eh eh! life can be complicated!

The weather is great! I can’t imagine facing obscene summer temperatures with 2 kids who are adjusting to a new environment.

Mich is into his second week of school, yes, we hit the ground running, but so far so good. He is super excited to be here, he thinks Burger King and Mc Donald’s dropped from heaven (we’ve got to eat healthy my boy, remember we are back to the land of big words like calories and stuff).
I’m now a pro on “outside countries”! - everything seems mundane already, maybe because I spend my days applying for jobs. There is no maalo, although Mich cracked me up the other day when I found him staring at a huge furry cat sitting at a neighbors front door. He was clearly calculating which part would be safest to hold, so he could carry it away. To check the situation, I asked him what he was doing, he was so glad to see me,
he said “mummy please help me carry this cat home”,
I said “Mich, this cat probably belongs to these neighbors and I don’t think they would be pleased to find it gone”
he said “It’s a free cat, I asked all the people here if it belonged to them and they said no, so I can take it”.
I was tempted to burst out laughing but with the serious look on his face, it was clearly no laughing matter. We had a brief talk about animals and he seemed satisfied but only temporarily. The boy is into pets big time.
That’s about all for now, I’m still scatter brained at the moment, settling in a new country is major. There is a lot of information to read and keep abreast with but I will get going soon.

I'm all grown up now

There will always be prettier girls, with firmer abs, whiter teeth, longer hair, bigger busts and perfect body shapes. There will always be more intelligent human beings with out- of- this -world ideas. They will sing better, be more confident, be “the best friend” and do “the job” with excellence and that’s just fine.


But, NO ONE can be me better than me.

As I hug the shore of 35 I reflect on who I’ve become.

I look into the mirror and I see a woman, a grown woman, a wife, a mother, a mentor, a friend. I look again and the tell tale signs are everywhere - I have been around for some time. According to research everything goes downhill from here on; cells don’t replace as fast and I’m sorta slowing down. Can I deal with that and accept it gracefully?

A part of me goes into panic mode, alarms bells set off in my head, question marks circling my mind like eager children singing “a ring a ring of roses” .

What have I done with my life?

I look through lenses of this world, this culture, this society and quite frankly I don’t measure up. I haven’t hit that career mark. I don’t possess the fancy car or live in a house that I call my own. My son is not enrolled in “the school” neither does he possess toys of the latest cartoon character.

When I blink and look again with Jesus lens, my fears are calmed, I’m confident and secure because all I see is love, and then I feel like a little girl – “I’ll always be a little girl in Father's eyes”

In God’s hands I can BE, I can DO
In Him there are no time limits, Sarah; Abraham’s wife can tell you all about that.
In Him I’m bigger and better, so if I have 2 days, or 2 decades left, in Christ I’m maximized.
I know I won’t leave this world alive, so I want to make it count and it can only count in Christ.
My true satisfaction is in God, in being the best me that God intended.

I will dance the funky chicken, watch cartoons, laugh with abandon, give tighter hugs, love my body and look after it better, turn the music loud, get in touch with the madness within. For in doing this I will be praising my creator. Life is not about me, it’s about Him and I’m only here for Him and His purposes. So if my plans for me are not fulfilled its fine, what counts is His plans for me being accomplished.

Life is a gift.
I want to give it through a smile, a touch, a prayer; to live in the moment, to celebrate friendships, to use all my gifts and talents.

I like the confidence that I’ve adorned with the years, I’m no longer naïve, and I know my strengths and weaknesses. I know what I can do and choose to focus on that, for my shortcomings, well, I pray for grace to accept them and wisdom to know the difference.

Hello world, here I come.

Now let’s do this!!!

My two cents on this Tenth Anniversary

Time flies when you’re having fun!


1997-1999. 2 awesome years of waiting on the mail man, secretly praying that when I checked the mail book at the KPC reception I would see my name or that the Maria would say “Hi Mary, you’ve got mail”.

1999-2000. A brilliant mind invented Internet and my troubles matured to Eudora, inventing a yahoo email address and typing a message finger by slow finger like I was bursting bubbles with each key; Finding an internet café or tracking down Koma at the MUK computer lab and then queuing for the one PC that everyone wanted to use. Oh! How my heart would sink when I saw “No unread messages”.

So the virtual relationship lasted 3 years. In the 4th year we wed. I said my vows eagerly – I was marrying my best friend. We enjoyed 2 years of blissful companion ship before Mich showed up, then life changed. There was a lot more on my plate – a baby who depended on me, a husband who felt threatened by this little bundle of “selfishness”; church ministry took a back sit, keeping friendships and a career became immense hard work . A whole new world!

My waist line got erased and kilos crept on with relatives and friends. With all the exhaustion and frustration came misunderstandings, arguments and stress. Do we still love each other? Are we growing apart? Was this love thing for real? The commitment to talking things through, facing the nasty things about one’s self, owning up for mistakes, understanding that we are both not perfect and struggling to keep Jesus in the picture helps us through the rough patches.

7 years later Amani made her grand entry.
Family comes first; working after hours is not encouraged. Ask questions, read between the lines. Spend time together, you’ll argue more, rub each other the wrong way more but in the process you’ll understand each other better.

Never underestimate backgrounds, childhood experiences and family traditions. For a while I thought Sam came from the craziest family ever and he thought my family had lost it. It was as though we were the only two sane survivors from either side but we didn’t totally escape. Just like a person who passes through smoke comes away with a whiff, we each had our family scents. One quick example; My dad always bought groceries, he came home with chicken, bread, sugar, snacks, bananas e.t.c No, he was not given a shopping list and no, it was not expected of him, but each time we were all pleasantly surprised. On the other hand Sam’s mom did all the shopping without any exceptions. So you can imagine my chaos and speechlessnessssssss when he would come home empty handed after passing a supermarket. Expectations, assumptions, very key. The more time I spent with his family the more I understood the “whys” and the “where for’s” and he likewise, but I advise that you spend the time in small doses, an over doze in a short period can be fatal.

Our roles have been defined along the way. He is disciplined with money, so he handles the family finances. I love to eat so the kitchen is my territory.

We celebrate each other’s victories; Job promotions, recognitions, opportunities, successes. We have had the opportunity to suffer loss too. When Sam lost his job a few years ago it was a crisis. He needed encouragement, reassurance and space. I never saw him more vulnerable and partly I didn’t understand it, so at times I wasn’t sure how to handle him, so I took him to The Cross and prayed that some guy would reach out to him so they could speak the same language. A year or two before that I lost two handsome little boys and devastated can hardly describe my state at the time. Sam couldn’t quite fill the void or soothe the hurt so I run to The Cross. Along the way we have realized that he can’t be everything to me and neither can I to him. Jesus has continued to be our corner stone and then out of the blue a friend calls and they are a breath of fresh air, a just-in-time blessing because they understand the situation so well and can finish our sentences.

Do we get attracted to other people? Of course! It’s what you do with it that makes all the difference. Intimacy? It can be a trick especially after kids – exhaustion, too many demands from every corner, monotony, life!!! But like the marriage, you work at it.

10 years on, the love continues to marinate.

Because He lives we can handle tomorrow.

A letter to Father

This night I can barely sleep, got heavy thoughts weighing on my mind.
I lost a friend, a brother.
Even though I seldom saw him, his demise leaves me wrecked.

Your ways are not our ways; your thoughts are not our thoughts. You know the end from the beginning and nothing takes you by surprise. You watched it unfold, every second, every minute, every … Tick-Tock!
So what can I say? What can I do? But offer this heart oh God completely to you. I bow in humble reverence, prostrate in awe, and thank you for the life Paul Kim lived and the fresh budding life you replace his with in little Kisha.

You are an amazing God completely; I know you are watching over Olivia.

Thanks for the reminder that my life is not my own.

Love you Jesus

Teary eyed and fearfully yours,

Mary

HAPPY EASTER

Til on that cross as Jesus died
The wrath of God was satisfied
For every sin on Him was laid
Here in the death of Christ I live


There in the ground His body lay
Light of the world by darkness slain
Then bursting forth in glorious Day
Up from the grave He rose again
Easter is my favorite Christian festival. It is the reason I live today. Christ’s mind boggling love and obedience to His father brings me to my knees in awe and adoration. The cross is explosive, it’s potent, it’s life changing. The blood that Jesus shed changed the course of history and changes our lives to date. It hasn’t caked, it hasn’t ebbed, it is fresh, warm and throbbing with love.

When I think about the cross and its power, my insides tremble and I cry in reverence, not so much because Jesus felt pain but because of what His death means; The power of life that emerged from His death, The Life that we live because He died.

In Christ alone my hope is found
He is my light, my strength, my song
This Cornerstone, this solid ground
Firm through the fiercest drought and storm

What heights of love, what depths of peace
When fears are stilled, when strivings cease
My Comforter, my All in All
Here in the love of Christ I stand
There is joy, an incomprehensible peace, a wonderful confidence that I live in. It is not tied to circumstances around me - whether in pain and sorrow, or happiness, there is that deeply seated peace in my gut. That even on the road marked with suffering, even when there is pain in the offering, I can still whisper “Blessed Be Your Name”.

“Friends” deserted me, I have been insincere, the church has failed me (I can’t depend on an institution), I have been disappointed to know Christians have taken bribes. I have seen marriages fall apart and I hurt, I hurt so bad, but for some reason beyond me, I’m not shaken, I know everything in the world is fleeting BUT GOD! He is my fallback position no matter what.

On Christ the Solid rock I stand
All other ground is sinking sand
All other ground is sinking sand


No guilt in life, no fear in death
This is the power of Christ in me
From a life’s first cry to final breath
Jesus commands my destiny
No power of hell, no scheme of man
Could ever pluck me from His hand
Til He returns or calls me home
Here in the power of Christ I stand
And as He stands in victory
Sins curse has lost its grip on me
For I am His and He is mine
Bought with the precious blood of Christ

Whatever burden you carry
Whatever dream is in your heart, whatever vision is in your mind
Bring it to the cross, LAY IT DOWN
Rest a while.

Look around and pick up the parcel inscribed with your name. There is a parcel with your name, you might need to stay longer, look a little harder but don’t be frantic. Take your time, sometimes is not about picking your parcel but about the time you spend there. God wants to love on you, run His fingers through your hair, give you a bear hug, caress you under the chin, and raise your chin up so He can look into your eyes.

Even if there is no parcel, He wants you to be okay with it. To be confident in His love, that you know Him enough to believe He has a good reason, He is working it out, He didn’t forget.

Dream without Restraint

Pray without Restraint

Love without Restraint

Ask without Restraint

If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? Romans 8:31

No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. Romans 8:37- 38

Happy Easter!!!

Arrested

I just figured out how people get caught by fashion police. I can’t vouch for every single one because some people just have bad fashion sense, they can’t help it. But some others, some others get caught on the wrong footing and others like me have just lost their oomph. I have overly rubbed marriage and babies in the dirt but please allow me to do it one more time. I see red flags going off. No! Am not bad mouthing marriage, it’s the awesomesstest institution ever but then I’m not writing to convince you either way. I’m just saying that things change, you’ve got to put in an extra effort to keep yourself priority otherwise things slip away, slip down, slip around – the works. Ask Paul.
In 1 Corinthians 7: 28 he says “All I am saying is that when you marry, you take on additional stress in an already stressful time, and I want to spare you if possible”.


In verse 32 he says "I want you to live as free of complications as possible. When you're unmarried, you're free to concentrate on simply pleasing the Master. Marriage involves you in all the nuts and bolts of domestic life and in wanting to please your spouse, leading to so many more demands on your attention. The time and energy that married people spend on caring for and nurturing each other, the unmarried can spend in becoming whole and holy instruments of God. I'm trying to be helpful and make it as easy as possible for you, not make things harder. All I want is for you to be able to develop a way of life in which you can spend plenty of time together with the Master without a lot of distractions".

Now that I have laid a good foundation for my case, I can tell you what happened. Sam was involved in organizing an important office function – stress is an understatement but he pulled it off praise God! Kati as his mukyala I attended to morale boost, support, you get the gist. But this mama forgot that for such events you’ve got to look spiffy. Back in the day it was second nature – lip gloss, powder, mascara extra extra, now, I was just thinking of being there and not so much to look like a million bucks. I forgot that these functions are infested with paparazzi. I stepped in the room and I was immediately blinded by the flashes. Oh my! What are they going to do with those pictures? I hope I don’t end up on that fashion police page, how shall I explain the circumstances?

If they put my unpowdered face or my jeans and jacket frame in any public journal, I will have to follow it up with a disclaimer or just remain in my cocoon aka my house.

Have a lovely weekend

PS: Ladies this is no excuse to let yourself go, I am just saying.

Traumatized!!

I have been in the house too long. This parenting/marriage thing has left me socially kwashiorkored. Seriously!
So, the other day I had a date with a girlfriend at Javas - Nakumatt. I planned to spend at least an hour with her before heading home. I got there early so we could maximize the moments.

I walked into the coffee shop and all eyes turned to look at me. I swear it was not in my head, it happened for real. “Mommy!” I nearly bit my fingers. I quickly found an empty table and sat down to save my legs from giving way. Eish!!

After catching my breath I scanned the room, my friend was not there yet but wow! There were loads of pretty ladies, dressed in every manner of fashion - as though they were all there to make a statement. There was a sense of pride in the air, don’t ask me how I perceived it. With their eyes and gestures they asked, “And who might you be?” No, I’m not paranoid.

I struggled to make an order because the Customer relations lady or whatever special name they give themselves didn’t mind me but I insisted.

As I munched on my tasty Chicken salad, I occasionally glanced up, just in case I spotted my friend coming in. I felt a laser sharp stare from the corner of the patio; an Arabic man was staring at me. For a moment I thought I just happened to be in the way of his thoughts. I glanced up again and he was still looking at me, swallowing was becoming difficult but I tried to concentrate. I raised my head, now looking at the entrance and an Ethiopian looking guy gave me a silly smile, I pretended not to notice, but he kept looking in my direction, I hoped my friend would walk in, but there was no sign of her. I never felt so vulnerable.

I quickly finished my meal, paid the waiter and sprung out. I breathed a sigh of relief when I got home to the more familiar people in my life. Phewx!

Missing you

My dear blog,

I miss you so. . .
Do you miss me too? Because you see, I miss you
Life’s been crazy lately -  juggling 6 balls is not a joke.

Please don’t frown, don’t misunderstand me
It doesn’t mean I like you any less, it’s just that right now, well right now, I have a lot on my plate.

Whhooooo! I blow the dust off and it runs right back to me
Falling on my face as if to blame me for the mess
Aa aa chooooo! Excuse me!

I've got a lot to say and you do too
I hope

Let’s make a date Just you and me
We'll shut the world outside
Shhh!

Parenting woes

Dear blog/diary

My parenting woes continue.

My little hero just don’t like school . He loves to play, watch cartoons and scare his little sister but the will to write (put pencil to paper to make legible symbols) is like “bad” blood given to an anaemic patient.

What happened to my truthful little pumpkin? Lies fill his mouth like a hungry man attacking his first meal in days. The bible teachings seem to have flown out the window together with all the nice toys - now broken that were bought over the holiday season.
His cutting remarks slice me right down my middle like the sword that led King Caesar into eternal sleep.
His disobedience is so out right almost engraved (I shudder), like a rock. But I must chip at it, one little piece by one little piece.

It’s frustrating.

How do parents love a child into obedience without considering lunatic asylum?
I’m speechless, I need the Holy Spirits intervention to articulate these matters before father God, Romans 8: 26 So too the [Holy] Spirit comes to our aid and bears us up in our weakness; for we do not know what prayer to offer nor how to offer it worthily as we ought, but the Spirit Himself goes to meet our supplication and pleads in our behalf with unspeakable yearnings and groanings too deep for utterance.

Too deep for utterance!!

I live at the alter for I know not of any other way to raise a human being more so in the ways of the Lord. I try, I slip, I falter and fail. Sometimes I want to bury my head under my pillow and hope that somehow a gentle, God fearing, obedient, loving man will emerge .

Many have written instruction books on how to raise a child and I have read a few. The ideas are brilliant, just when I’m about to scream eureka and run out on Semawatta road in glee, I hit a snug. I’m reminded that I’m dealing with a unique creation, never seen before this; The magic words don’t work, the formula fails, more volcanoes erupt, we get burned, the smell of the ash remains on our frames everywhere we go.
Does God feel this way about me? Do I evoke dirty emotions in Him too?

A visit with the Amish

Last Friday, Brent and Diane, Mich, Sam and I took a trip to Lancaster county to visit with the Amish.
I find their lifestyle quite fascinating, so when Diane brought up the idea I was more than thrilled to check them out. The Amish are a religious sect originating from the Mennonites, who arose directly out of the reformation struggles of the sixteenth century.

The first thing that I saw that set them apart is their transport -  the buggy. Its a horse drawn carriage. They don't use cars.
"Englisher", "Yankee" or "High People" are the names given by the Amish for anyone who is not Amish.

They are known as the plain people because they wear plain colored clothing, they live in scattered farmland locations across America. They live within highly personalized relationships, avoiding more than casual contact with strangers who might attempt to educate them to the ways of the outside world. While the Amish avoid most of the conveniences of the 21st Century, something that most outsiders have difficulty understanding, they are happy in their way of life.

I first  heard about them  when there was a shooting at one of their schools and it was all over the news. Oprah on one of her cross country tours stopped by one of the Amish homes. They don't use electricity or telephones.
They are not too thrilled with people visiting their quiet countryside farms. In fact, they avoid anything more than casual contact with strangers and any possible influence from the outside world of the "Englisher" just as they have for more than three hundred years.

They mind their own business, that made me cautious not to ask questions or stare at them. For religious reasons, most Amish avoid having their picture taken. They will cover their face or turn away from a camera just as you would if a stranger suddenly tried to take your picture. Keep in mind, too, that flash cameras snapped in front of a passing Amish buggy may frighten the horse and endanger the buggy’s passengers.

We stopped over for lunch at one of their well known restaurants and the food was mm mm good!
They kept bringing dishes until we said stop. The order of service in the restaurant was that every one ate together at one long table. If you came in and found some people already seated you would join them and eat like one big family, nice!

Last Night

Last night the moon peeped through my open window
His smile lit my room
His rays sat gently on my naked frame

Last night the wind waltzed through my open window
Her breeze sent shivers down my back bone
Little goose bumps flowered this ebony skin

Last night I saw a fairy
Pretty beyond my simple words to describe
She sparkled from top to tiny toe
She a little bigger than my tiny finger
She skittered onto my shoulder and showered me in pixie dust
Mmm the aroma simple words do not articulate
Petals of lavender, peach, lilies, cherry pie, honeysuckle

I was young again
Fresh again
New again
Again
Last night
Candles
Butterflies
Flowers
Last night!!

Two Ow One One

I love the sound of horses trotting over paved streets.
I find the firm muscles in their hind legs very captivating, a connotation of strength and power. Just!

Yesterday I was listening to I choose by India Arie off her album Testimony: Vol. 1, Life & Relationship. Something in there kept me bobbing my head; it was more than just the beat, I was feeling the lyrics.

(And I choose) to be the best that I can be.
(I choose) to be courageous in everything I do.
My past don't dictate who I am. I choose.

(And I choose) to be the best that I can be.
(I choose) to be authentic in everything I do.
My past don't dictate who I am. I choose.
Because you never know where life is gonna take you and you can't change where you've been.
But today, I have the opportunity to choose.
I used to have guilt about why things happen the way they did cuz life is gone do what it do
And every day, I have the opportunity to choose.

Sam, Mich and I are loving our little bundle of Joy and energy. We added to this incredible mix by naming her Amani (Strength) and so now we have a little mukiga on our hands. Curious George has got nothing on this girl. She would give him a run for his money.
She melts her daddy's heart like butter in a hot frying pan. Monday 6:30am, daddy is on leave and turning over to catch the sweetest end to his sleep, he is pulling the blanket closer when she yells(to cry out with a strong, loud, clear sound) for attention. All groggy and red eyed, daddy turns to give her a sharp look, she wears her cutest, biggest, “Am-I-glad-to-see-you-Daddy smile". He can’t help but explode in laughter. She does it every single time.

Ever heard a baby break into a hearty laugh just before breastfeeding? That just kills me.

Thinking about the New year, I can almost feel grey hairs pushing their way out of my scalp; and the wrinkles, they apply themselves steadily around my eyes. Oi! a girl is growing older, hopefully wiser too.

So, what does 2011 have in store? That my friends’ is the gazillion dollar question.

Took a trip to Jinja for a change of scenery, where I was attacked with writer’s bout. Noto Bueno: A writer must always carry a pen and a note book to avoid the embarrassment of having to use napkins.

Anyway, since the dreaded CC (cost cutting) is still on our lips we took a humble aboard. I’m talking broken toilet seats, cracked remote controls, stained floors, squeaky doors - change of scenery alright. But I loved the fresh air, the sound of birds cooing and chirping; the sound of wind tickling the leaves and the vroom of cars way out in the distance. I could hear Mich playing with bottle tops on the stair case right outside our door. Sigh!

2011, is it just a continuation of 2010? Or something new and exciting?

No matter what, have an Anchor. That steadfast, immovable, all powerful, all knowing, supernatural, I-will-always-be-there Anchor. My personal favorite is the One who knows your life's middle from its beginning,your life's end from its middle and everything in between.

Make your plans, dream big, aim for the sky. Just know satisfaction can’t be fully achieved without His sovereign Lordship in your life.Work hard, give Him your plans, work harder and leave the rest to Him.

HAVE A FANTASTIC 2011

Naturally

Mama Mich

(And I choose) to be the best that I can be… can’t get the song out of my head