In sickness.

I'm uncertain of how to say it so I have put it all here and for once I give you a job - sort it out, I hope you walk away with something to muse on.

Dad told us during one of those famous family meetings that marriage was an incredibly difficult institution. He said it with a pained look that I will always remember, as though he was spitting nails. I freaked out! There was something about his facial expression that made those words ring. Something about the way he said it made me think there were events in marriage he couldn’t sufficiently dilute into words for us. Oh! But I was just a little girl, my mind couldn’t wrap around extremely intense matters. I thought, “If you and mom handled it this well, then what’s to fear?” When the day rolled around, I vowed to respect my husband; To honor and love him through sickness, holocaust, hurricane and what not. I was going to face the world with my bestest friend. There was one slight problem though, I didn’t fully grasp the concept of “sickness”. It floated like an imaginary balloon. Now, through the years, it has become a reality – sickness will visit your marriage literally and figuratively.

You may be whispering sweet nothings, going through mundane days or quietly exchanging knowing glances while sipping hot cocoa on a cold Umeme free night. Sickness will walk through your door none the less; from a bad cold that knocks the wind out of your sails to the diagnosis of a terminal disease.

He has visited my house a couple of times and I’ve often prayed that he makes it short. At times he over stays his welcome, but I truly dread it when he comes to stay, when I must make room because he is not leaving. He becomes part of the family. When he is having a session with one family member, it’s impossible to ignore his presence, he’s too loud and messy. It is news of his permanent visits that cause my heart to thump so hard I literally hear it bouncing off my ear drums. It tears around like a ping pong ball up to my skull and down to the bottom of my feet in slow motion, in a split second - all at once.
It is the idea that his brother death is not too far away - the way he ravages the body in short quick jabs or slowly, like a replay in “Football Made in Germany”.

It is losing the independence and human dignity in God’s original plan to being helpless, fed, clothed and diapered. It is the realization now as a parent that this doesn’t affect just me but the little people who call me “mummy”.

It is the madness that grips the mind when presented with the news that; you cannot conceive; that your baby won't survive; that a hereditary disease is gaining ground; that you or your spouse has a chronic illness.

Marriage is tested when a couple discovers their child has special needs. The rugged pendulum swings from “why us” to “it’s your fault” to “it originates from your side of the family”. It has the potential to draw families closer together, acknowledging that life can’t be done without God, or it rips marriages apart with “I can’t take this anymore”.

So when those men penned the original wedding vows, they were onto something. Dating? Please talk about the "in sickness", unromantic as it may be.
Life throws some really messed up balls but Jesus has to be your coach and your spouse needs to be your team mate.

It’s World AIDS Day and AIDS has shaken life as we know it more than any other disease, but I choose to throw in all other illnesses; Cancer, Cerebral Malaria, Leukaemia, Parkinson's disease, autism ... all constant reminders that we are mortal, we are visible and God Only wise.