Love and malice aforethought.

“Mummy, Amani’s nose and hands look so yummy, I want to eat them”. Then he spends many of her waking hours pecking and sucking on her cheeks.

“Mummy, I think Amani is the most beautiful baby in the world”.
“Yes Mich, I couldn’t agree more”.
He will want to carry her, sit with her, dance for her and not leave her side.
He reads to her, shakes her hands and brings the cutest smile to her face.
He is protective of her.

But when mummy says, “hush! Baby needs to sleep” all over a sudden doors get slammed, slippers are dragged, shoes are stomped, songs get louder. There is a need to raise his voice as though we are in separate rooms, even when we are at the same table.
Funny thing is, she doesn’t mind. She associates the “littler” person in the house with noise, energy and games. She beams a wide smile when she hears his voice and sleeps as still as a log through all his noise.
I have labored to explain “Baby needs to rest, so she is happy when she wakes. And mummy needs to rest too, so that mummy is happy”. He doesn’t get it. I probably should let it go.

I wish I could read the mind of a six year old. From where I stand it’s all about “me, I and mine” – absolute selfishness. Now how to get the selfishness out is the trick, I wonder if it comes out the same way foolishness does.

Proverbs 22:15 (Amplified Bible)

Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline will drive it far from him.

She does me well

She rides a bicycle, starts a motor and pulls a few punches

She steps on an imaginary accelerator

She studies my face intently:- making out the C shapes at the sides of my head and the black things on the top of my head

She looks me dead in the black spot of the eye, when she has had enough of a gaze, she shuts her eyes to drink it all in

She knows my scent and leaps at the sound of my voice

She laughs when its time to feed

She coos in satisfaction

Her toothless smile makes plants grow and the sun to shine in the middle of the night.

My little girl Amani

No ordinary lady.

They say to prevent puffiness and swelling in pregnancy, drink lots of water – I drunk water like my life depended on it but still managed to look extremely pumped.
I know ladies who give birth on their due dates like clock work, me? it just doesn't happen. A week after my due date, am still twiddling my fingers.
I read about celebrities who claim they lost baby fat by breast feeding – I’m exclusively breastfeeding, constantly hungry but can’t seem to shed off the pounds as fast. I have been told to stay away from porridge, drink lots of water, eat fruits and I will be on my way to a slimmer me. Let’s wait and see, it’s a month already and I still look fresh out of hospital.

Talking about fresh out of hospital, I have met moms with 2 day old babies and their tummies are as flat as ironing boards, wonder how they do it, me? Well lets just say Mich is still convinced there is another baby in there. I have heard about the tradition of  belly wrapping, where moms wrap their waists up to get things back into position. That’s all cool, but does it work better for some than others?

I have come to accept the fact that I ain’t no ordinary lady.

The art of breast feeding

I curiously scanned Amani’s mouth when she yawned, just in case I’d missed to see the teeth that magically appeared at feeding time. I could have sworn there were teeth in there somewhere – but all I saw was her cute pink toothless gums. In the first week my nipples were extremely sore, things got steadily worse when I begun to sense what felt like sand paper when she suckled. She yawned again and there it was - a pink little tongue, I wondered how that thing could do so much damage. Like the bible says, the tongue is a small part of the body but it makes great boasts – it’s tiny but my! The things it can do. Breastfeeding became complicated. I stuck with it nevertheless; this is the most expensive, nutritious food Amani could ever eat, quite apart from the fact that we need to bond, she builds antibodies, it strengthens her stomach walls and helps my uterus contract.


Week one
We are first timers, am trying to recall the feeding tactics and all she knows is to suck and suck she does with all her might. The muscles in a baby’s mouth should never be taken for granted. There were times I imagined she could dangle from my breast just with the suction pressure inside that tiny mouth. It was absolute survival and I was sore.

Week two
We are getting a hang of things, milk production has increased and she is feeding longer. She knows where the food comes from and latches on with a firm grip when it comes anywhere near her mouth. Just like a frog slurping a fly, she does it swiftly and holds on for a few seconds before she starts to suckle as if to ascertain it’s all hers and no one is messing with it. She keeps her eyes shut and slowly opens one eye to check that the coast is clear then she relaxes and feeds away. The soreness is slowly fading.

Week three
We are both pros, she stimulates the milk letdown with her lips and moistens the nipple with her saliva, so that by the time she begins to suckle, its easy going for both of us. I’m not sore anymore.

Week four
What do you know?!, she is a month old already.
It’s interesting how God meticulously calculated this art to the very last detail. Human beings are awesome creatures.

I hope I haven’t grossed you out with all these details, IT’S LIFE! And that is all I will say.

Presenting Amani

The scale tipped one fine day when Sam and I went in for an ultra sound scan. Out of the blue the radiologist blurted out “it’s a boy!” We were surprised that she took it upon herself to tell us – we hadn’t asked and we didn’t pursue it any further.
Meanwhile Mich continuously prayed for a little brother. We joined the band wagon and believed with him. When this little person finally made their debut, I had the doctor and the other medical staff roaring with laughter. As soon as I heard the first sound of the baby’s cry, I was thrilled! My heart went “feregeshe”- I was all jelly inside. I said “wow, that boy has a real strong cry”, Dr. Asa then asked, “How do boys sound?” before showing baby to me and what do you know?! “IT’S A GIRL!!”
A pleasant surprise! Absolutely the bestest thing that has happened to me this year. Now I must confess that I’m such a tom boy in my ways, I don’t know how to be all girly girly but I will try.

Amani means strength in Runyankole/Runyoro/Rutoro (but I have since found out it means so many other things in different languages - all good though, so no problem) those of you who know my journey will surely agree that God has been my strength. Holding Amani in my arms is a true miracle.
She arrived more than a week after her EDD – July 22nd 2010 at exactly 11:03 am. She is lovely, sleeps a lot, feeds a lot and is very cooperative.

Mich is thrilled to have a little sister. He dots on her and is a great help. However he keeps checking to see if he still holds a special place in our hearts. I have been getting questions like “Mummy if Amani and I were twins would you love us the same?”
“Mummy, if you had 73 children would you love them all?”
“If you get a new baby, do you throw away the old one?”
I have to be alert at all times because the questions come in different ways but we continue to assure him that we love him just as much.

Still here

4am on the 14 of July (my official due date) and for some reason I can’t sleep. I kept tossing and turning and then lying very still wondering if that was a contraction. I gave up on pretending to sleep, made a cup of tea and surfed the net. The internet seems to understand me better than my doctor who needs to attend some communication classes.


So, it has been 2 weeks since my cerclage was removed and the show just hasn’t begun. There have been previews (mild contractions) but no real action. I’m short of saying am anxious. So I go to see Dr. Alex and all he asks is when we should schedule the c-section. Is there any good reason I need to go under the knife just yet? He doesn’t say. I want to know if I have started dilating but no, he won’t even do a physical exam, just checks if my pressure is good and touches my belly to gauge how far down baby has come. When I try to probe him further, he smiles and gives me this look of “I know what I am about and I have done what I need to do, now scurry along”. At the end of it all, he says if I haven’t started labor by the 21st, it’s a c-section for sure. This is when I run to my creator and ask Him to make my body function the way it should. He knows my physiology better than any doctor or scan machine can, so I ask Him to make things work.

The days have been long; I hear the clock ticking away – seconds, minutes, hours, days, weeks. Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad to be full term, grateful that God has helped my body hold up to the end but eish!!! It’s hard not to be antsy. I’m continuously soaking my mind in Philippians 4:6-7

Do not be anxious for anything, but in everything by prayer and petition with thanksgiving, make your requests known to God. And the peace that surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.

Just when I’m getting to the point of rest, I receive calls from my concerned friends wondering if I forgot to let them know the big news. I’m tempted to set up voice mail-

“Hello, thanks for calling. Uh, no I haven’t given birth yet, don’t worry I will let you know when baby comes. Otherwise am good, just remember, don’t call me – I will call you”.

Checking on me is all good. I love the genuine respectful calls, the problem is people who sound more anxious and tired of me being pregnant than I am. The ones who from the time I was 7 months kept asking how come I hadn’t given birth yet – Not helpful at all.

It was nice to open my mail this morning and find this message.

"You can do this - I know it
Hey, you. Yep, you. The one feeling a little weary.
Carrying that load. Fighting this battle.
You're amazing, you know that? It's true.
And you can do this with Him. I know it. I feel it. Keep going.


It feels like your strength is small. But it's not. It's BIG.
World changing big.
Make-it-over-that-mountain big.
Big enough to do what you need to do.


Because your strength is as big as the GOD in you.
I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.
Philippians 4:13


He sees you, loves you, will carry you through... and I'm cheering for you too."

UNSTITCHED

I saw Dr. Alex on Monday. He invited me in, asked me to lie down and as I shut my eyelids tight-tight, occasionally peeping to see what was going on, ready for the worst pain of my life, he said he was done.
That’s it? The stitches are out? OK!

He asked me to report back in 2 weeks incase labor hadn’t kicked in.

Like I said before, I was not sure what to expect. Would I go into labor the minute the stitches were removed? As soon as I walked out the door? In the car? Would we have to dash right back as soon as we got home?

Well, none of the above ensued. I’m still here, walking around like before. The stomach contractions (Braxton Hicks) are on and off. For a while there I was anxious, listening and feeling for anything unusual.
I have decided to relax, am certain that if real labor sets in I will know for sure. The baby is dropping steadily, I look like I swallowed the world cup ball – speaking of which, pole Ghana! You did your best but football is like that – madness!

In other news, Mich presented me with the most beautiful assortment of flowers this morning.

In case of any news I will keep you posted, now back to the studio.