Round 2

Continued

Our time in Dallas was over and we were ready to head back to Philadelphia.

I was a little excited about getting back because we were returning to what was familiar. I was getting back to friends I had made, to church and Philly.
My pastor and his wife had been in touch over the summer and had prayed with us. It was nice seeing them again.

Then I found out I was pregnant again, yee! that's cool!.
I began my prenatal visits immediately. A week after my 16 weeks (4 months) prenatal visit, I noticed something which I thought was quite unusual. I called the hospital but since I wasn't feeling any kind of pain they were reluctant to see me but I went anyway.
The Doctor examined me and said my water bag was bulging out of my cervix and it was only a matter of time before I would go into labor.
It was absolutely terrifying receiving this news all by myself.
I almost fainted, I was mortified and in absolute shock. My body was shaking like a leaf. I just couldn’t believe what she was saying. I kept saying "Jesus no, this can’t be happening again".
The doctor asked me who I had come with and I told her I was alone, Sam was home with Mich. She asked me to stay the night so they could monitor me.
Man! it was horrible, this thing of being alone in the toughest of times was getting a bit much.
I called Sam, told him what the doctor had said and asked him to contact Becca (the pastors wife).
Becca got the news and showed up at 2am to spent the night with me in hospital. God sent an angel.

The doctor came to check on me, there was no change. I asked her if there was any way they could save the situation and she said no. I began bargaining with her, how about this, or that, maybe... again she said "I'm sorry but there is nothing else we can do".
Then she said even doctors can only do so much, it's in God's hands. After she said that I kept quiet, she had hit the nail on the head. Only God could work this situation.

I was sent home and put on strict bed rest. I had never thought about it but strict bed rest is extremely tough, tough, tough. I tried to read and do other things in bed, it was only two days and I felt like it had been weeks. The aches, the helplessness, the anxiety, a bit much.
Sam held the fort heroically bless God, he was able to look after both Mich and I. He washed Mich, created meals (seeing as cooking is not exactly one of his strengths) and was basically our nurse.
My Pastor and his wife were there for us in an amazing way, they cooked us a meal, looked after Mich and prayed with us.
On Sunday I got a call from the doctor, she had spoken to one of the high risk doctors who was willing to see me for what it was worth.

So Monday we went in and did the ultra sound, things had not changed, everything was like it was on Friday night.

So we had a talk,

-bed rest; I'm 19 weeks at this point, if I stay on bed rest for another 6 weeks maybe, just maybe the baby will have a chance. That means possibility of all kinds of deformities, deafness, blindness, bone problems, stomach problems e.t.c but that is only and only if baby can even make it out of the delivery room.

-Cervical cerclage;, we couldn't even go down that road, I was way past the safe period to have that done, the water bag was already in the way. So either the water bag breaks as they try to push it back or the cause damage to the cervix since it was already so thin.

-Let nature take it's course; lets leave things as they are and see how far you go. The process is already started so we can't reverse things now, it will only be a matter of time. Stay on bed rest but remember that the likelihood of infection is greatly increased.

-Induction, get the process started and have it all done so that I don't face the risk of getting an infection or putting my life in danger.

Which ever way we looked at it I was losing my baby.
I had feelings of anger, of being a victim, of sorrow, of helplessness, of disappointment to mention but a few.
I tried to contact my doctor, she had seen me 4 days before all this and had said I was doing great. Somehow I couldn't get her.
That night I was admitted to hospital and guess what?! it was my doctor on duty.
She walked in the door and was at a loss for words. She took hold of my hand and I saw tears well up in her eyes. I knew she was sorry, it wasn't her fault anyway. Then she said "Mary I will stay here and hold your hand all through the night, if that is what you want me to do". I broke down and cried, and cried and cried, the pain of loosing another child was indescribable. What really hurt me was the fact that the baby was fine, moving and kicking and secure.
Kwizera (meaning faith) was born on the morning of the 17th December. He was a cutie too, he looked just like Mich but really tiny.

I felt God was holding my hand and saying I will get you through this, I’m here with you.
"It's tough, I'm not taking away the pain or heartache but I'm here and I will see you through".
My heart was quickened to Psalm 121 where he says He who watches over you will not sleep. He wasn’t a sleep or unaware of what was happening to me. He was with me when I went for my appointments. He could have changed everything but He didn't, there had to be a reason.
I found my comfort right there, knowing that all this is not hidden from His sight and He knows just what to do.