Torture in the garden

As I strolled through the park that evening, sobbing my eyes out, my heart felt so tight, like it would explode right then.
My world was falling apart.
I struggled with the fact that Jesus let this happen, leaving me with no comfort but Himself. He didn’t fulfill my dreams. I had planned my life out but He was not following the script.
I was shattered.
In that moment, every thing around was blur, I could hear myself breathe. I felt trapped in a dark room, all other thoughts shut outside.
He had my full attention.

38Then He said to them, My soul is very sad and deeply grieved, so that [c]I am almost dying of sorrow. Stay here and keep awake and keep watch with Me.
39And going a little farther, He threw Himself upon the ground on His face and prayed saying, My Father, if it is possible, let this cup pass away from Me; nevertheless, not what I will [not what I desire], but as You will and desire. …
42Again a second time He went away and prayed, My Father, if this cannot pass by unless I drink it, Your will be done. …
44So, leaving them again, He went away and prayed for the third time, using the same words. …
46Get up, let us be going! See, My betrayer is at hand!
Matthew 26:38-46

Jesus' battle was most tumultuous right here. After all the pleading and anguish, He accepted that His father wasn’t changing the situation. His contention was - making the decision, accepting, surrendering to His fathers plan - after that He was good.

Good Friday is one of favourite religious festivals. As I grow older, my fascination and interest deepens.
The cross, the crown of thorns, the nails in His hands;
All for me!
A battle for my soul.
Christ encountered death and hell in its most horrific form.

And when Jesus had cried out again in a loud voice, he gave up his spirit.
At that moment the curtain of the temple was torn in two from top to bottom. The earth shook and the rocks split. The tombs broke open and the bodies of many holy people who had died were raised to life. They came out of the tombs, and after Jesus' resurrection they went into the holy city and appeared to many people.
Matthew 27:50-53
Talk about dynamite;- forget Hollywood, this is what real super hero is made of.

Looking at my situation, this was a light bulb moment.
I let go of my dreams, trading them for His.
The madness of a believer! - giving up what you can't keep to gain what you can't lose.
Salvation is crazy stuff if you think about it, so don't even try using your head.

Oswald Chambers;
… we must surrender all pretense that we are anything, and give up all our claims of even being worthy of God’s consideration. Once we have done that, the Spirit of God will show us what we need to surrender next. Along each step of this process, we will have to give up our claims to our rights to ourselves. Are we willing to surrender our grasp on all that we possess, our desires, and everything else in our lives? Are we ready to be identified with the death of Jesus Christ?
We will suffer a sharp painful disillusionment before we fully surrender. When people really see themselves as the Lord sees them, it is not the terribly offensive sins of the flesh that shock them, but the awful nature of the pride of their own hearts opposing Jesus Christ. When they see themselves in the light of the Lord, the shame, horror, and desperate conviction hit home for them.
If you are faced with the question of whether or not to surrender, make a determination to go on through the crisis, surrendering all that you have and all that you are to Him. And God will then equip you to do all that He requires of you.

God had His dreams shuttered when Adam and Eve ate that fruit. The plan for us to busk in the garden of Eden, chilling with Him, flew threw the window.

Then Jesus.